I still remember how I grew up, how I’ve been hurt since I was a little girl. I never pictured my life to be like this. All I do is live a lie.
I pretend all the time and yes I smile, I laugh, but those two things just help me hide my tears, my pain from the time I was a little girl. People judge me for my mistakes, my decisions, but they don’t know why or what I have faced in my life. They all think I live a happy life and that I have everything, but really, what is everything?
I grew up watching my father beating up my mother every chance he got. I grew up with my mother always favouring my brothers. What they wanted they got, but when it was me, I would get a rejecting answer. I used to get in my father’s way when he tried to beat my mother because I thought by doing that it would prove my love for her… but it did not.
I’ve never said “Happy Fathers’ Day” to my father because I can’t. The words refuse to come out. Instead I would just stare at him with all the memories in my head. I always said “Happy Mothers’ Day” to my mother because I thought buying her gifts and treating her would also make me important in her life… but it never did. This year was the first time I didn’t say “Happy Mothers’ Day” because I realized the more I try, the more I get emotionally hurt.
I used to lie to my friends, telling them what a wonderful weekend I had with my parents just to add to their conversation. I am not perfect; I don’t live a perfect life. Yes, I smile, but only to hide my sad face, I laugh only to hide my tears…