Hello my future, the period of time that comes after my present. I have my past behind me now, a past that I don’t want to remember. My present time doesn’t have much difference to my past, but I have faith in you my future. I have a fervent belief in you. I’m hoping that you can change this suffering that I endure.
I am hallucinating about a splendid future, because when I look at my present time I see no hope, no abilities and no courage. My past wasn’t perfect or straightforward and adults are wondering how they’re going to treat us in my era because in their era they didn’t experience the better side of you, only the bitter. They had fewer opportunities because of their race. And their children didn’t have a brighter you, maybe because they didn’t prepare their way for you or because they already gave up trying to live for you and ended up living for the drugs and alcohol. They dedicated all their hopes in you. The young ones and the old ones are blaming the past, saying that their future is no different to the past they grew up in.
I was hoping you could at least give me a glimpse at my future. A future that can make me look ahead with excitement. A future that can prove my community wrong, the future that can make my beautiful community and its people stare at me with admiration. A future that can split my past from my present. Something that’s not daunting like my past, something that’s not going to be fraught with difficulties unlike my present.
In this present time, I have never had a day of peace because the past haunts me. I fear being killed by accident or by cross fire in the streets of our communities. We live in fear for our sisters, young and old, who are attacked and raped in our communities. The mob justice and the gangster fights have taken over our present time, the smoke of the burning schools and clinics have left my present time filled with smoke and dust. My future is no longer clear, no one has ever looked at me with pride, or ever paid attention to me. I have no one to advise me, guide me or to be my leader.
At home they all lost faith in me, and at school they all judged me. Calling me names. “Lost boy”, it was the name I was given because I was so lost and confused by what I saw in my past.
I remember where I spent my early years, where I was watching my father being robbed and killed for his money right in front of me. I remember when I saw my mother being attacked in her house, she was trying to protect me. I remember her pushing me out of the back window because of the fire that had started, engulfing the front door. She told me not to worry or to be frightened as she was going to be with me soon. I heard her screaming in terror pleading and shouting for help as the house was burnt to ashes. I never saw her again, but she made a promise to me. She promised that she’d be with me soon, and that’s what I remember about my past. I’m still waiting for my parents to come back, my aunt promised me that they would be back.
Now that I’m in the present, with the most haunted past, I’m starting to think that it’s impossible to reach the future. I constantly dream about the condition I’m in. My mind keeps bringing the past to my present, and that’s what confuses me. Maybe the past was trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t figure out what it was, that’s what drives me insane. I went totally crazy, and I lost it all, I kept asking myself unanswered questions about my life. The answer that was close to me was the man who promised me and filled me with false promises. At least he was there for me when I needed someone the most. Inside I had this smouldering anger of these unanswered questions, and pretending kept me going in the present time, but now I can’t pretend anymore — the past is haunting me more than before. The unanswered questions need some answers now, but I was all alone with a man that was using my potential in the wrong way.
All my relatives weren’t close to me, they were trying to sort out their lives. There was no one I could rely on but the man, and my head wasn’t giving me these answers about my past. My past is haunting me and the present time I’m living in, is hopeless and full of obstacles. And I’m about to give up my life in this present time.
Dear future, you are way too far and the present has caused me to forget about the future I’ve planned. Growing up with images of what happened to my parents has left me standing alone, with a dilemma of not knowing what I wanted or where I was going. Now I’m lacking self-confidence and I’m emotionally hurt.
I’ve relinquished all the dreams I have for you in this present time. Being isolated and not much of a dreamer, now I have no one to guide or lead me to you, and I am completely forgetting all about you my future. I took the short path thinking that I was wise, but I didn’t know the short path would lead me to someone I wasn’t. I have turned into something that took my parents lives. A past that is haunting me and has turned me into something that is taking other people’s lives and joy in this present time. The present time has changed me, I lack trust and love.
Please don’t deprive me with a decent future, a decorated one. Please make me dream again. If I could only have a quick glance at my future, I promise to work hard and make sure that I have a secure and brighter future. I’m dedicated to you my future, not to my miserable past or my present that has pulled me away from you; that’s filled me with false promises. And I won’t be that destructive person any more. I’m destitute, but I’m in control of my own destiny now.
Please make me a dreamer again! I was once blessed with dreams filled with hope. Hoping that one day I will receive the keys to my success, and I hope that my parents would be proud of me again wherever they rest. I will dream again, I will conquer my past so that I’m able to control my present time. Are my dreams my future? Or is my future reliant on my dreams? That means I must work hard in school to build my dreams for my future and maybe by chance I will receive the keys for my future. Or will I let my past push me and turn me into something that I will regret?
Tell us: Do you think your future is reliant on your dreams?