Him and I lived under the same stars and saw the same sun each and every day, but we never reached out to one another. He never tried to make contact with me or any of his grandchildren, and I resented him for that.
As each day passed I secretly hoped for a change but he had more pride than anyone I knew. So I also pretended as if he did not exist but it did not make the pain any better because I grew up without a grandfather. I wished to have one if there was any chance of that ever happening. Life is short and each second counts, trust me. Before I knew it he was gone and all I was left with was the questions with no answers.
Was all the grudges worth it? Was the anger even worth it? But he was no more and I never even went to bury him. That was not going to fill the hole I have in my heart; he was no more and all I could do was to accept it and let go.
If there was ever an opportunity for me to say anything before he departed, I could have said “Grandfather I forgive you for all the pain you caused me, and know that I love you despite everything. I so wished to know and spend time with you but it was not what you wanted and I had no choice but to respect your decision. If it was God’s will then I shall accept it even though it’s not easy for me. There is so much that I wanted to tell you but I just never got the chance to do so, or even got the opportunity to call someone ‘Grandfather’.”
Some pains cut deeper than the others.
When I grew up I would hear people say “Life is unfair” and I never understood that until I grew up and found myself crying and mourning for a stranger that I never got to know. I kept asking myself if it was regret. Was it the pain of losing someone? So now I had to write this letter and get it all off my chest.
Tell us: Do you have someone you wish you could say goodbye to? What would you say?