WARNING This piece refers to suicide.

From the day it all began…

I should have never tried surviving

I should have never tried being strong

If I knew then, that things were going to get worse I would have never fought this loosing battle

From the very first time I went to school with torn shoes patched with a box that got my peers making me a laugh stock I should have known.

The first time I went to school with an empty stomach for a week was a hint

I should have known from when I was an orphan with both my parents alive that things were not going to get better

Now I regret why I ever became strong

I regret why I resisted to life’s warning years back when I at least had a shoulder to lean on

I should have surrendered a long time ago

When I didn’t know of death who took my only pillar of strength

When: I bathed without soap, went to school skin dry like a zombie

Went to bed every night with an empty stomach and still wake up every morning and go to school with hope for a better tomorrow that has now faded

I should have given up then

But I am giving up now

Besides the doors of success that I had the key to unlock then all of a sudden the locks are changed

There are also the doors of heaven that are shut on me.

Not that my prayers are still to be answered!

They were and are never heard

The lights of the church, that once gave me hope

Now make me question the existence of God

Then what will restrain me form giving up?

If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, please know that there is help out there and you can get better. Reach out to SADAG counselling 0800 567 567 (toll-free counselling between 8am and 8pm)or their   Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567. You are not alone.