How is it possible that boundaries be crossed, when a mind sets itself on “experimental” mode. Boundaries that I had long set, and had never intended on crossing, suddenly meant nothing, as I set my mind on playing this experimental game.

She came in as a distraction, a beautiful distraction, at the perfect time. I wonder if old couples, look at each other, and feel like they are past their “Happy Times”. At that time, when I met her, that was how I felt in the relationship I was in, with this beautiful girl, I had been with for over a year. Trapped, forced, misunderstood, was how I had been feeling.

No wonder when she waltzed in my life, I decided to dance along with her. I wanted us to keep the dance for as long as we may. I wanted us to dance till our feet hurt. I wanted us to dance, till we floated away to an illusion, make ourselves believe that it’s just us, even though we could never be.

She was not the kind of woman I had imagined myself being with. She’s not the type I’d usually chase after in the street. Certainly, not the one I would take home to my parents and build a home with. Not that she wasn’t a wonderful woman, she just wasn’t the one I imagined my life with. Not the one who would make me jump up with joy after a long day at work, when I hear the door knob turn.

Sometimes I feel like I want to do it all over again, dance with her while confusion, lust and frustration roamed my mind. She frustrated me, but only in the best ways. She made me forget about everything and everyone, and feel like it was me, just me and her.

“Let me do my thing.”she used to say, when she felt me tense up, at the thought of our relationship. She was not the type for me. We didn’t fit, and I convinced myself that maybe we shouldn’t fit. We don’t have to fit, we didn’t have to make sense, we just had to be.

Even though we eventually crashed, and our lives had to be back to normal, I don’t regret my time with her. Given the chance I’d probably do it again, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing.

It wasn’t love, wasn’t affection, it was just lust and frustration. It was beautiful, toxic and a hot mess. I got a ride, and escape from reality from another stud.

Finally, when the dust in my mind settled, it was only just her, the woman I’d been with for over a year, she was there waiting for me. I realized that old couples never look at each other and feel trapped, instead, they looked at each other, and saw their whole lives.

That’s how I felt with my woman, I looked at her, and I knew that she was the only one I wanted to come to, after a long day at work.