When it all began I was just a kid… 14 years old, I mean what did I know about life at that age. Especially during our times, internet was scarce. Year one, I just lost my dad, the last parent I have. I had no one on my corner, my world just shattered. I was alone, I had to man up and strive to conquer the world. No one was there to care how I felt. I just lost my dad, my idol and my guidance to manhood.
Year two, adolescence took in and I lost myself through the process. No one was there, no shoulder to cry on, no one care to listen and understand how I felt. I was lost, I had no direction. Even though my life was a mess, I kept on living. At that time I didn’t care neither what life brings upon me. Didn’t care how I felt anymore. Adolescence blinded me and nurtured me with love. I thought I had it all and everything will be fine. I forgot about how I felt, I forgot that I shattered those and never went through them. In the process adolescence took care of me. I forgot about all my troubles, all my pain. I was free and yet just a boy.
No one was there to give me sight. I therefore lost myself deeply. Time flew and years passed, I was growing and becoming a man. Yet no one saved me. All the pain and the feelings I shattered from myself grow even bigger. I never realised I was hurting myself even more. Years passed, my life was heading nowhere. It still felt like it happen yesterday or a day before. No shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to. My dreams faded before me. I lost touch of everything. Didn’t understand life anymore. I lost its meaning, all I could feel was negative vibes.
I was not me anymore, actually I was just a living corpse. I was in the dark, trapped forever. Through my dark times, I felt even more alone. I couldn’t see any light. One part of me has already given up. I wasn’t strong enough either so I let it be. As the years pass by, another part of me just took over. It empowered me with wisdom, knowledge, courage and uplifted my faith. Then I saw the light shining even brighter. It was filled with warmth and love. I felt safe and saved. It nurtured me with hope. I prayed, I believed and my sight was back. Didn’t realise I was trapped in the dark for that long.
It’s been 14- years since I was trapped. I found my sight now. I moved away from the darkness and found myself into the light.
I looked upon me and paid close attention to myself. Who am I? What happened to me? How did I get here? How did I survive? Who helped me? Why was I helped? Does God have a plan for me, maybe that’s why He pulled me out of the dark? I’m a man now and I have learnt. I accepted who I am and appreciate the love God is giving me. Through my tough times, as blind as I was God blessed me with true friends. God knew they will make me strong.
16+- years later, here I am. I’ve moved on from my miserable life. I’ve found acceptance, healed myself, guided myself, I’ve found peace (inner peace), and most importantly I’ve forgiven myself.
16+- years you almost took everything away from me. You took my heart and ripped all my love away. You left me hopeless and unloved. You laughed at me as I turned away from love. You knew I can’t love anymore after what you did to me.