Mom felt me kick her belly split, parted seas
I started breathing and I was born,
To please the dead
I need to blend in since I can’t dematerialise,
Dress my wounds
I’ve been told I should wear this violence
Across my shoulders like a victory flag
I was born like this! A punching bag
There’s nothing more than a living sacrifice.
Hope is life dangling on a rope
I was born in a boxing ring with a crowd already formed
Waiting for me to throw my first punch
Where am I? I can feel my body sinking deeper
I am unknown to death and yet
I am somehow still unknown to life
I am nothing but a corpse waiting to die
I spend days and nights hovering between life and death
I know I sound more like a broken record,
Death is looking at my home, creeping around
Home feels like the back stage in a snake’s concept
Maybe you should come look around,
You might find a corpse plastered behind these walls
You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me
While walking around looking like a fight club
What people see is another face on its way to its graveyard.
I wonder how I look in God’s eyes?
My mind is a house with walls covered in pain
I was born like this bubbling for meaning
I am an empty hollow shell, nothing has meaning
Voices always voices torment without end
Calling my name, does it sound like a graveyard?
There’s no love in this house only life turning bitter
My feelings aren’t mine they’re a mask I wear
Borrowed from someone else
Are my feelings fake ‘cause I got them from someone else?
I try in vain to reject my feelings
Someone I looked at as a lovely bird,
When in fact she was really a lion
What’s reality with all these questions?
We’re in a Pandora’s box and there’s no closing it now
Every time fathers turns his key in the front door
To re-enter our lives again
I see the dark side of ambition, he speaks with his fists
I see his face half hidden, a hole begins to shadow
Right then I knew that he had drunk holy water
Bottled up like miscarriage
He looks at me, his eyes burning trials all over my body
He looks at me the same way a tsunami looks at beach houses
I lowered my eyes so that he wouldn’t see them accusing him
Do you think of me a dreadful man? He said
I had no words to counter his rationally
Mom stepped in, her eyes swollen shut,
Her face a mess of crimson blood and purple bruises
With her long-sleeved dark glasses to cover evidence of his lashes
Broken legs but still chases perfection
So fast on her mouth that her teeth got fist attached to them
Crashing into the side of her face, pain exploded.
Trying to reach the Promised Land drunk
Little sister stood in plain sight hoping daddy sees,
All she could say was “daddy please”
She turned to me her face full of questions.
Her mouth full of more gaps than teeth
Sweat running down his face, mingling with mom’s blood
Even if it’s life dripping with hypocrisy
I will be the hero they need
I will rave until I kiss my grave.
Life is a bitch, so I flirt with death
Squeezing mine towards fighting
With stones in my scrotum I couldn’t come harder than his
He throws a tone like a metronome left alone
He began kicking first my back then my belly,
And then my head
I tried to curl my body as in my mother’s womb
I had to prove to him that I have a spine
Feathering our roasted bones our body scattered like sardines
No need for a throne I fly high I’m a drone
He repeated over and over as if we were a mantra
I try in vain to reject my feelings
I am buried under the weight of all those dead bodies
How strange I can’t feel anything
Can someone please poison my meal?
The thought of my own grave excites me
Love will disappear when you have
To eat love to quench the hunger in your belly
The last time she said she wanted to sleep
In some place comfortable
I didn’t know she meant a coffin
Sticking up his gun like a fingerprint with no gloves
Disappointment let a pistol pointed about to take his soul
The day you raised your scythe against her I was born
I don’t see light, is anybody there?
I want to leave this life, does anybody care?