You know what they say about the one who gives you butterflies, birds and all those other cheesy things in your stomach? Well, I had one.

Stupid love, is how I refer to it nowadays. Stupid and crazy young love. When someone thinks of a High school romance, they think of; late night walks, hand holding, nervous kissing and stumbling but passionate sex! That’s the mindset Hollywood gave us, right? Right!

Looking back, trying so hard to pin and paste the feelings I had for her back then, it’s not so easy to understand if it was love or infatuation. I was young, it was easy to say, “I love you” as it was easy back then for me to fuck a stranger. Now, I understand and value the power of the words, “I love you” and I understand the complexity of sex.

Now, this High school romance I’m about to write about, isn’t your typical High school romance, there are no late night walks, no nervous kissing, no staring into each other’s eyes till the sun comes up, and there is certainly no stumbling and passionate sex, in fact there was no sex at all!

So I’m guessing right now, you’re waiting for a sad love story? You simply cannot wait for me to indulge you, in my story with this one particular girl? Well, it’s easy to write about her now, like it was easy back then to whisper, “I love you so much” to her.

Forbid these fucken happy fairytales of finding ones true love. We have this mentality that, we all have this one person for us out there, and most of us get through our teenage years stumbling across people we wish we could spend forever with. Except, forever isn’t forever right? Right!

Fasten your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen, I’m about to open up and pour out my all in this short story. I had a talk with the girl in this story before writing it, and she blatantly said,
“There is no story to write about, dude.”

You see, I tend to disagree, because there is a story. Maybe it’s because I am a writer, and I have a mind blowing creative mind, and yes, here I am, giving my all, capturing the love story of me and her. Her and I.

After days of pursuing her, trying to convince her that there’s no other girl for her except me, she finally reciprocated my feelings. The gush of happiness and victory befall on me! I almost stood up and screamed,
“She said YES!”

As I read the text message from her, saying she’d love nothing more than to give this newly found love a chance, I knew I had a chance to capture her heart forever.
I held my phone close to my chest and smiled, thinking it was her in my hands.

We had never met before, we had been talking and getting to know each other over the social media. I had gotten her number from a mutual friend.

So, the dating scene began, late night chats talking about our dreams and aspirations, loud and flirty voice notes, about sex(which we’ve never done, mind you). Telling each other what we liked about each other. You see, the typical teenager dating scene took place! How good it felt, to stay up late night talking and laughing to someone I’ve never met.

She was an escape to my girl-crowded reality. She was supposed to be my safe haven. There was something about her, this special streak and the way she was so shielded from my infidelities that made me value her.

I was a very young woman, with the power of words, and a womanizing tongue. I played with words like I played with the girls hearts. Lying turned out to be my specialty, but her, something about her made me honest. It made me want to be honest. Loyal, which was something I had never given anyone back then.

Oh here I am rambling on and on about our relationship, and you don’t even know the girl I’m talking about, I’ll call her “A”.
“A” was average height, and had the body of a model, she had a caramel skin that’s slightly on the yellowish side. Her eyes, God, her eyes. Her eyes were her powerful tool. One look from her, and I would literally go weak in the knees. Her lips, she had full lips that had a little round black mark on them, needless to say, she was a good kisser.

Before she and I got even far, we had thought up names for each other, you know these childish couple combined names. We used the name to address each other, somehow I believe it meant something.

I had many girls, as I said, my life was girl-crowded, but she was the only girl I’d saved with a pet name on my phone. I didn’t know how to return the love she gave me, So I granted her a niche in my cellphone, atleast cause my life was overcrowded. Still feeling the need to continue shielding her from my infidelities, I gave her this niche, she was deserving of it.

I took my phone, and saved her name;
“My Babeey Girl”

There, she was my baby girl, and everybody here knows that baby girls have to be shielded, and that’s what I aimed to do.

02 July 2019, was the day we started dating.

I couldn’t wait to meet her. We had been planning to meet up for days and days, and finally the day we were due to meet arrived.

I was writing my assignments, when my phone beeped and the screen lighted up, it was a message from her.

“16:30 by the Shumishano Hardware.”it read.

I held the phone in my hands, and smiled silently to myself, I couldn’t wait to lay my eyes on this beauty, finally!

I glanced at the time on the corner of my cellphone, it was 16:10. I had no time to change. So I just slipped into a black skipper jersey, and went along to meet her in my school trousers and school shoes. It was a bit chilly outside, a chilly Monday evening.

I texted her
Me: what are you wearing?
Her: a green knee length dress and a jersey. You?
Me:School trousers and a black skipper jersey.
Her: I’m there. I can’t see you anywhere
Me:I’m at the Hardware.
Her:Cross the street. I’m on the other side. Behind the church.
Me:okay.

I jumped to the other other side, and I walked slowly, my heart was thumping against my chest, I could literally feel it against my ribs.
As I reached the end of the church, I saw her. She was with a group of girls. Her sibling and two other girls. The crowd of girls made me even more nervous.

“Hey” I greeted them.
“Hello”they all said at the same time, then the girls she came walked ahead of us, and we followed behind them, slowly.

“Are you okay?” I asked her
“Yes, I am. You?”she replied
“I’m good now that I finally get to hold your hand.” I said, as I slipped my hand into hers. Her hand felt warm and soft against mine.

We walked in silence, our hands linked to each other. Our hand holding felt so natural, so..right. It felt like we’ve been holding hands since forever. I forgot to mention this, but she looked even more appealing upclose. She had a carefully sculpted face, accommodating beautiful facial features.

Before we knew it, it was time for me to go back, her sister was already saying,

“We can’t go back with the detour, it’s dark.”

We held hands, and slowly I gave her a hug, remember how I said her body was of a model? She was even better than a model, cause in contrast she had a very nice round butt. Code 14! I took in her scent, she smelt of a distant perfume, the day’s work, and most of all, she smelt of her. My hands groped her butt lightly, then slowly we pulled back.

Slowly I leaned in, my hands still gripping her butt, I kissed her lips. They were so soft and welcoming, I felt a drop of lust land on my undies. When we pulled back, she smiled, I grabbed her waist and smashed our lips together, we kissed again, longer this time.

“I love you.” I whispered after breaking the kiss.

“I love you too.”she replied, in a fluent Xhosa accent.

I gave her one more hug, and I watched on as she walked away, joining the loud chatter of the girls she came with.

That night, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Her voice roamed in my mouth. I was craving for her. Yearning for her body, I could already imagine her moaning my name loudly.

Of course I’ve brought many women to climax, some my age, and some older. They’ve all came, loudly and proudly, in different ways and names.

“Yeeeeees! Ohhh”the older women would say

“Ahhhhhh! Baby I.. love ahhh!”the younger ones would scream

Her kiss opened a new door for me, I couldn’t understand nor even fathom what the inside of the door contained for me, but I was scared to unleash this new me.

I guess I knew what the door had for me, a promise of true love and happiness. A new life of loyalty and honesty. I was too afraid to step in that door, even though what I saw inside promised me a better life, a life with no worries and a life without the girls that keep complaining about my lack of devotion to them.

“You hardly have any time for me.”they’d complain

“Are you busy with those little girls?”the older women would shout at me

“Why are you flirting with my friend?”the most insecure ones would cry

That door promised me a lot. It promised me a real high school sweetheart, perhaps even a lifetime partner. Whatever lifetime meant for me at that time. I knew what I felt for her,and in a way, I guess I knew what she also felt for me.

I was still thinking about her, and possibly walking through the door she had opened in my heart, and maybe giving her my all, when a simple phonecall demolished all the hope I had for her. It was one of my girls.

“Where were you today? I came to see you..You hardly have any time! You’re never home. You never answer my calls! You’re always with your friends…”she complained going on and on.

Her voice seemed a distance, as when I reached the door that “A” had opened, I slowly closed it shut! Not leaving it slightly opened, cause I was afraid of the unknown. Afraid of what would happen if I gave my all to her. Afraid I’d be stuck in a situation, where “A” would hurt me, I’d be so inlove with her to even leave.

So, as usual, I turned back and realized that this wasn’t going to be my new leap of love. No! I was to put her under the same classification as all the other girls.

At that, slowly, as the days went by and the nights drew longer because of me thinking of “A”, I slowly detached from her, I slowly started being cold, distant and eventually, I put a front. A front that hurt me, but I knew I couldn’t take it off.

Fear of the unknown

It had been a few weeks since I spoke to her. We were to start writing our final matric exams, when I received a message from her.

“Hey. I hope you’re doing good”the message read.
“You see, loving you is incredible. Proving it would take my whole life. Insecurities would come at a later stage, where trust is doubted. I never wanna be at that position with you. But, Youve been the one trying your best to make us, but now that youre losing it, youre turning us into trash. Who could belong in the trash better than you? Go ahead, I’m not going to be your stop sign. Not now. Not ever. I’m letting go. Good luck with your final exams. I love you.”

I read the message and I literally shook, I was slapped back to reality, the mask that I was wearing finally slipped off, as I realized that i couldn’t anymore. I couldn’t deal with this anymore.

I typed messages so many times, but I never sent them. Pride, I guess. In those messages, I’d written a lot of things, but there is one text message I wrote to her but I’ve never sent it. I remember it vividly.
I wrote;
Hey “A”. I hope you’re still okay. Loving somebody else has never been my strongest point. Thing is, I’m scared. All of you seem to put a label on me, without knowing why I am the way I am. You’re so quick to judge and leave me, but you’re nowhere to be found when I really need to vent. It’s my fault, right? I’m always the bad guy, yes I’m not the nicest person on earth, but I’m not as bad as I appear to be. I love you too. Good luck with your final exams too.

I never got around to sending the message, I put it back till I eventually slipped the mask back on and acted like I don’t have any feelings.

Shutting myself down to love has always been one of my strengths.

We had just finished writing our final exams when I received a missed from an unknown number. It had been a month now, since that message.

Something in me knew that the missed call was from her, but with alcohol and girls in front of me, I wasn’t going to return the call. I was at a pens down party! At 22:30 or so, I sobered up, or so, thoughts hit me suddenly. Thoughts of her. I zoned out from my scene, suddenly the booze and the girls in front of me meant nothing.

I quickly took out my cellphone and texted her little sister’s number. Her little sister told me she had gone away, and she was to be back two days after. She then gave me numbers I could reach her at.

I called her after midnight, I was still at the party but I had found a quiet spot. When she replied She sounded so cold and..She sounded like she didn’t care.
I told her that I had to see her one last time before she gave up on me, to say goodbye properly. She agreed.

*****
We met three days after that, she looked so different, she wasn’t warm. I was ready to pour my all out. Ready to start afresh with her. I told her everything. My affairs, my behaviour. Everything. She was mad, but, we fixed things. I vowed to love her better than never before.

I was to go away for December holidays, but
I kept to my promise a few days after that, but, then one weekend, I went at an All night party, and unfortunately I lost my phone.

I was broken, losing my phone. I never knew her house. She never knew mine. Just like that, I had lost her. The cellphone contained alot, now it was gone. And with that…our relationship got lost with my cellphone too.

****
We finally got hold of each other 2020 May, and we catched up. We had both moved on, and I’d finally learnt how to love, again.

So, if I was to point out the one that got away, I’d point at her. Destiny happened, but if we could have another chance in another life, then I wish we can get to do it right.

The One That Got Away