After my twin, Tsakani, and Mokgadi finished insulting one another, I started a new topic and they all started enjoy my topic. As everyone was enjoying my topic Mokgadi just said some things without anyone paying attention. She called my name then I paid attention to her.

Mokgadi said, “If you were my girlfriend I would have sex with you every day, do you hear me?”

Something rose in my stomach, but I just ignored it as well as her. As my mates looked at me to respond, even Mokgadi was looking at me, but I just laughed and said, “You love jokes too much.”

No one laughed and it was an awkward moment for everyone.

I just asked myself if Mokgadi knew that I might be a lesbian? That was the last thing I wanted everyone to know, that I was crushing on Mokgadi’s friend; it was chaos.

Even my twin doesn’t know that I like girls because none of us started to date as we were Christian and abiding by Christian laws. I tried by all means to cover my tracks that I may like girls or was crushing on them.

From that day I ignored Mokgadi’s words because I never had a crush on her.

It was a Friday and it was hot. Everybody in the class was out to have fresh air outside, there were only a few boys and us sitting in the classroom enjoying each other’s company.

Mokgadi was outside too, she was helping my crush to find her cell phone as it was stolen, but that is a story for the another day.

My twin said, “Let’s go home because the principal said we can go home if we want.”

However, I said, “Let’s wait. We will go home when the school is really out. Let’s just sit.”

My friend said agreeing with me, “Yes, Tsakani, the school is nearly out, just wait so we can go home. Just hang out with us.”

Tsakani was OK, but when the time was going Tsakani brought up the topic of her wanting to leave.

Mokgadi came back to the class finding Tsakani holding her backpack, waiting for me to pick up mine so that we could go. I then stood up trying to hold Tsakani’s hand, wanting her not to leave. Mokgadi came and asked if we were leaving, but I said no as I was holding Tsakani’s hand for a second.

Then Mokgadi asked, “Why don’t you leave?”

I ignored her as I know that she loves attention too much. While I was trying to hold my backpack too, so that we could leave, Mokgadi just grabbed my hand forcefully. I was about to ask her why she was doing that when she dragged me away from my desk. My mates were watching, thinking that I may have done something wrong, but I did nothing.

I just told Mokgadi that she was hurting me as I was having some pain in my arm. I was trying to stand still so that I didn’t fall, because to be laughed at at school by my mates was the last thing I wanted in my life.

As she managed to pull me away from the desk, she then let me walk by myself while she was behind me. When I was about to leave the class Mokgadi took my hand and caressed it. I was shocked and I just walked away without looking at her.

As I walked away tying to digest what had happened, I found myself just talking alone and feeling very angry toward myself because I didn’t listen to Tsakani when she said we should leave.

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