“Yes I remember but you didn’t have to try and kill yourself over that come on bro,” said Justin.
“When I was in primary school I had to go to her mother’s house and she left me with my father and she took my brother with him. So during the day while my father was still at work I had to stay at our neighbours. One Saturday my father went out drinking and he asked the neighbour to look after me. She said yes. Our neighbour’s daughter was the one who was looking after me cause she “loved children” her parents were never really home. But most of the time she used to babysit me we would be at our home,” said John.
“Continue,” says Justin.
“That Saturday we were at their house her parents were out. She was in her room and I was playing outside. She called me and told me that we are going to play a little game and that it should stay between us. She became all touchy touchy one thing led to another. I didn’t understood what was going on for God sake I was only just a child! A little boy! She was 18 and I was only 8 years!” John shouted in pain and anger. She did this over and over and said that it was just a game. My father kept on leaving me there until my mother came back.
When I went to high school I started having dreams and nightmares cause at school they were teaching us what were happening to me,” said John. “That’s where I turned my back on the church and started to hate the Lord and asked him he didn’t protected me why he had allowed my grandmother to become so gravely ill that my mother had to go and stay with her! If my mother were here this wouldn’t have happened and my damn ‘so called’ father didn’t care about me. He was just enjoying himself at work and drowned himself in the alcohol every Saturday. Not worrying about me cause the neighbour’s daughter is looking after me,” said John.
They both cried.
“Why haven’t you talked to me bro I could have talked to my father,” said Justin. “I’m sorry that you had to go through this,” Justin continue talking. “In grade 12 I was bullied cause I was so afraid of girls. My so called friends made a fool out of me cause I used to go into panic mode when a girl was trying to reach out to me I used to shake so much of fear other times I used to go numb I couldn’t talked. I started cutting myself with blades. I started drinking and smoking weed. But the dreams just became worse and worse I completely lost control over my life. Until that night where I tried to kill myself. When I saw that I’ve failed. I went numb. I went into isolation,” said John.
“You’ve been through hell bro and you were just a kid we can’t go back in time but we can help you to find inner peace and healing. You need to start with therapy everything is going to be fine,” said Justin.
“How!? How can everything be fine!? Do you know how embarrassing it is for a young man to stand up and say that he has been raped by a girl when he was just 8 years old!? What is the world going to say? People are going to laugh at me they are going to gossip about me. I’m broken I don’t feel like a man. I was raped, I was molested, my father was not a father to me he was just there, I suffer from depression and anxiety and stress and overthinking. I nearly killed myself. My best friend shot me two times with his gun because I wasn’t man enough for them cause of my fear for women. I was trending for days on social media cause of my fear for women. I’m a failure I failed that little boy inside of me cause I couldn’t protected him,” said John. “I was just a kid a little boy. Why was I robbed of my childhood and my innocence? What have I sinned to deserved that? I need to end my life cause it’s worthless,” said John and he ran out of the house.
Just ran after him screaming, “Bro come back. Don’t do anything stupid!”
To be continued…