When it starts, it’s all flowers and goosebumps

Butterflies, kisses and hugs

Waking up to love songs and skipping the sad ones

With hopes that I won’t listen to them with teary eyes and a box of tissues next to me AGAIN

I’ve been a peaceful place holding on to the timed moment of feeling loved and valued AGAIN

Like a bird I hid my insecurities in a nest

I tried to show no jealousy, trust me I tried to not react

But it all feels like I’m suppressing my feelings to keep living for a feeling

I’ve been ready for the messy parts, but never the part where you show me you’ve got options

I felt like an option, that’s far from being chosen

A milestone you’re waiting to tick off your list of experiences

I felt like a nearby convenient place to keep you sane and help you remember what you left back at home

I felt like meat in a vegan’s plate

Tossed aside for days when draught strikes

I saw the sun dawn on me like it has never been bright and promising of a better experience THIS TIME

I tried not to overthink , but my head is my thoughts favourite resting place

Minor things matter, they can break a soul too

And there came that moment in the shower, water running down on me, tears running down my cheeks with me constantly blaming myself for letting my guard down, for hoping for the impossibles, opening up and wearing my heart on my sleeve

Or even worse giving it to you, for it to have a good keeper guess I didn’t read your resume

And the inexperienced me I never track time, it gets bitter at my happiest then I’m back to not wanting anything to do with this four letter word

I just have one question, ‘How did you think that made me feel? ‘