“Yeah, they’re my friends!” ~ PartOne

At times most of us have found ourselves in need of friends and to find that perfectly imperfect crowd. But that same crowd may end up not giving quite the company you’re use to. Maybe you end up realizing they really aren’t for you anymore and probably regretting meeting the ‘wrong’ people. It’s normal for everybody to feel like they should fit in but…what if you’re done with people pleasing and feel unfulfilled by your group of friends? What do you do when you realize those friends aren’t your “type of friends” and they slowly begin to become…toxic?

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In these blogs I’ll be sharing some needed words and support and I’ll be the window to help you navigate to really see if you are with the right people… not for anyone else but for You.

Yeah, they’re your friends but, are they compatible with you?

I’ve had my share of experiences with really bad or uncomfortable friend groups. Being befriended by people who don’t really understand each other as ‘friends’ but somehow became ones out of circumstance, or just finding myself trying to fit in into spaces where I thought would accommodate my true personality but…at times I’d find myself fitting out and still trying to people please in order to feel accepted. These experiences had left me feeling depressed when I’d be on my own and thinking back on the day I had with those people. And might I add how unhealthy it is, not just for your social circle but for yourself too, to have to put up a smile and laugh all day with friends to only go back home and somehow feel blue and sad.

Let’s face it some friendships just aren’t worth it and even when we know it, it can be so natural to find yourself ending up stuck in places where you end up limiting yourself in order to try and stay. In places where there is utterly no sense of true belonging and genuine connections made due to incompatibility. If you do find yourself making connections they end up being temporary or ingenuine especially if you don’t realise it at first glance. Most of these situations leave us feeling hopeless, unappreciated and lonely. And even with these negative emotions we may sometimes find ourselves going back to the same places again, and it just becomes your little, seemingly normal cycle.

I’ve been in and out of many friendships and friendship circles. Some ended due to incompatibility, a lack of belonging, others a lack of respect and honest communication, and even because of being rejected. But one important thing I learnt out of all of them is that it is important to stay true to who YOU are. No matter the connection or the kind of people you surround yourself with the right thing for you to do is to not become friends with people generally because you “think” they’ll be good for you and because they seem to be a good company from the outside. Because you’ve experienced “a good vibe” from these people. Yeah, no kidding good vibes are a bonus and are a sure way to find the right social circle but sometimes ‘vibes’ may be temporary and not everyone may share the same ‘vibe’ for you as the other. It is crucial to be aware of the importance of making friends but making them and not disregarding the part of being compatible with each other. This can mean so many different things to different people but there are a few ways to know and to find out if they are.

You may try to test this compatibility by:

•Comparing each others interests

•Finding out if you have shared values

•Checking how you communicate with each other

•Discovering how you deal with conflict and conflict resolution (This is important for when there may be potential fall-outs. Disagreements are inevitable, so being in sync about conflict resolution is crucial to keeping arguments from escalating).

•Looking at your emotional connection

•Viewing each other’s lifestyles

•Understanding each other’s life stage and priorities

And so MANY MORE.

It is important that you understand the importance of making good, life-long connections that will lead to great, imperfect friendships. You’ll have different social circles and will be faced with a variety of personalities but remember, prioritizing your happiness, needs and wants is key to making and sustaining healthy friendships.

I’ve found myself in groups of friends but one that has continued to leave a good lesson in my life is where I’d made these ‘friends’ who were pretty cool and fun to be around as I’d observed at first. I shared closer connections with one or two of them but I hadn’t noticed earlier on that having things uncommon with the majority of these people would mean that I would have to compromise to myself and try my hardest to blend in so I could belong. It ended up hurting me more than doing me good when I realized how unhappy I became each time I would be away from them but more so, how glad and more comfortable I’d be with a different group of people other than them. I started seeing myself detaching slowly and slipping into a box where I would try to keep to myself and I can tell you one or two of those friends did noticed. That’s when it became clear to myself that all I wanted was to be alone, yes, but mostly, all I needed was to be surrounded my people that matched me. I needed honest compatibility that meant I wouldn’t have to change myself each time I find myself in different spaces. Or any friendship space for that matter.

An extra takeaway from all that was that I shouldn’t and never have to limit or change who I am in order to fit in into any space in my life. Nobody should ever find themselves prioritizing friendships that make them feel insecure, unwanted and unhappy and remember that there’s always an exit door, you just got to look well enough to find it once you realize that it’s time to call it quits. When you’re just unlike each other as friends or companions it’s okay to realize and make a decision to end what it is you have going with those people. It’s even much better for your emotional and mental health to simply separate yourself from those spaces that compromise your health in those aspects and find better, comfortable, healthier and compatible relations with those that get you and those you just get.

♡Stay Happy, Stay smiling and Keep on Keeping On! Positively.♡