Knowing that I once loved without any expectations. Gave all that I could, from love to support, care and my time but most of all, my heart because money can be regained. However nothing mattered to her. We were inseparable at first but I no longer know her location. Like two birds we flied. No matter how high she would demand, at times they would say “she is no good”. But like everyone I was blinded by love. I never expected her to love me like I do. But on the contrary everyone deserves a bit of love, even the wicked witch has a heart. It’s baffling, but I am still inside.

Inside a beautiful enchanted garden is where we built our relationship. Filled with our dreams, expectations and reality. Maybe she will come back. Maybe she is still lost and will one day find her way back. But I wonder. Wonder if I will still be waiting for her, if she decides to find her way back. The were times at which she would seek greener pastures, forget about me but still come back. Like they say, “There is no place like home”. Honestly I am deeply hurt. Years have passed however scars still look like wounds. At times I smile alone and appreciate the time we spent together. She loved me but maybe I was not enough. Hence she always had a backup of people who were better than me. They looked better, dressed perfectly and came from high classes families. So who am I? Who am I to compare or even compete with that standard because I come from a low classed family. I don’t even afford to buy my self lunch at times. But who knows, maybe I will sleep and wake up a millionaire tomorrow. Does it mean she will come back or does it mean I will have many people surrounding me?

Will they authentically come or act like her? All I ever wanted was to love and be loved, is that too much to ask? But I no longer care. My heart still says I do though. I really don’t know how I feel, I am just overwhelmed. It all happened too fast for me to even realise she no longer cares. At some point she was not well and all I could do was support her, call daily to make sure she was fine and even come up with solutions to the problem. Because her puzzling difficulty is my puzzling difficulty. That’s how I deeply cared. It’s so unfortunate that she didn’t value that. As a result she has new people she calls friends. At some point I felt betrayed, how could she be so insensitive?. I never wanted anything in return but the least you can do is to make me aware that you have moved on with your life and have fully recovered from the trauma I was helping you through.

I no longer know who to trust now. I am deeply injured and maybe I might not recover. I went through times of anger and denial. I ended up not wanting anyone around me because of a simple relationship, as they say. It wasn’t just a relationship to me, I fully loved her and viewed her as my sister but i ended up not being able to love again. I had to unlearn and learn to love again.

I am just not sure if I will be able to love again. But I still have love in my heart. Let’s just hope it’s enough because according to my perspective some calories were lost.