You’ve always known I’m a writer and I remember you once asking in passing if I’ve ever written anything for or about you. I don’t necessarily remember my response but I must have laughed it off and we spoke about anything and everything else, like we always did. So, don’t be surprised when you find this.

You were almost perfect in my eyes, I loved almost everything about you, or so I thought. You wouldn’t do wrong, as far as I wanted to believe. So even when you did do wrong, I swept it under the carpet and kept it moving.

The thing about sweeping stuff under the carpet time and time again without ever throwing it out or dealing with it at once- is that it becomes too much and by the time it starts coming out bit by bit you have no control over it and it just creates a bigger mess. At the end of it all, one of the lessons I learned from you is that nobody is perfect.

Whenever I thought of you or saw you, I felt something in my tummy, my knees went weak, I lost my breathing sequence, I got hot flashes. And now when I think about you – which is very rare, I remember that afternoon when you were lashing out and saying hurtful things all because I was “too clingy”. I can still smell the strong scent of wine that had spilt on me after you had aggressively tried to pull the glass from my hand, all because you didn’t want a “woman with no morals, drinking in public”. I had known for a long time before you told me I’m not “the one”for you. You were not the one for me either, but because of how long it had been and how “homely” it felt, I couldn’t just walk away.

In the public’s eye, we were a perfect couple, always out, laughing and chatting away whenever they saw us. Our families even thought we would get married, but I got tired of pleasing people I didn’t even know that well, while I was dying inside. You were a good person for as long as it lasted, then things changed. Behind closed doors you would snap, call me names, break my confidence in seconds and life went on for you.

Being away from you has shown me how much I robbed myself by staying that long. I’m unlearning giving too much of myself to people. I am learning to love myself enough before expecting someone else to love me. My mindset is positive and I know now that if it hurts, I should let it go because staying hurts more.

Do you remember calling me fat? I actually preferred myself that weight, my tummy rolling when I sit, the stretch marks. Everything about my body is beautiful and I wish I had said this to your face. I went on and lost all of that weight and there were serious health implications that came with that, when I needed your support through that, I was “needy”.

I don’t blame you for wanting more, better. You were not wrong for being unsatisfied. It wasn’t your fault that I was no longer what you really wanted. It’s okay you felt the need to leave. What was not okay was your treatment towards me, you could have done better. What was unfair was how you tarnished my name to our friends. It was wrong of you to expect perfection from me when you were miles away from it yourself.

I am not mad at you, I was, until I started the healing process then I understood. I’m grateful for all you taught me. I am happy we spent the few chapters of our stories together. I was the most happiest person when we were happy.

As our stories continue, always Love, Live and Learn!