Sometimes it is not what you see, nor what you know, even what you acknowledge, that keeps you shackled to your own pain but the mysterious ‘unknown’ darkness lurking in the depths of your soul that has power over, and controls, you. Some say the cure is in the releasing of the beast. 

Inside a Nightclub

In a dark nightclub with disco lights doing the dance more than the people inside. A party is in full force. At the back of the club two friends sat opposite each other on bar stools separated by a tall, small and round table. A non-communicated contract plays out. One friend walks to the bar to buy them a round of drinks. The friend left behind looks on jealously as his pal meanders through the maze of patrons to the crowded bar. He appears to demand the attention of the bar keep who responds by taking his order and giving him the drinks. The night continues and so does the pattern. Friend One liberated to walk amongst the mortals whilst Friend Two is stuck at the back of the bar. As the drinks dims the mental capacities of the patrons and at the darkest time of the night, Friend Two spoke up.

“Let me get this round”

“No, no, no, let me go, I’ll handle it don’t worry” Friend One promised

“But I wanna buy my favourite drink. You always come back with what you like” Friend Two complained.

“Okay, okay fine I’ll buy your favourite this time”

So, the journey began, Friend One strutting his stuff, flamboyantly maneuvering his body, gregariously engaging other patrons, exuberantly laughing at their jokes, as he made his way to the packed bar. Maybe this time he will bring my favourite drink Friend Two’s thoughts were interrupted by the booming voice of his friend, whom he had come to take as a blood brother.

“I’m baaaack!!!. Here is your drink”

Friend Two looked on at the quenchers with a lowered head, drooped shoulders, and a forced deep sigh conveyed the unspeakable that could not be uttered. Disappointment!! Disillusionment! As reality dawned him so did the dawning of Venus, the bright Morning Star telling tales of the upcoming day. Things will never change. I will always be the back ground. Friend Two’s acknowledgments were silent and silenced to the world around him but reverberated from his internal to his eternal being.

My friends, we have arrived at a juncture where I believe our two friends deserve to be named. Come with me as we get closer to the two whom we have come to know so much about. We shall call Friend One, the PROTAGONIST. He is ‘out there!!”, huge personality, loud, commanding, demanding, reactive.

We shall call his friend, Friend Two, UNDERSTUDY. He is the quiet, timid, inadequately feeling, insecurely presenting, powerlessly appearing friend. The one that gets shelved at the back of the bar.

UNDERSTUDY’s realisation flooded his mind with conflicting thoughts about himself and his friend. He wondered about their relationship. Am I cocooned or smothered? He wondered.  He looked on as his friend took centre stage walking with confidence towards the bar. PROTAGONIST seemed to command respect as other patrons made way for him.

However, UNDERSTUDY noticed that the sea of patrons sealed his route behind him the red sea at Moses command. This, UNDERSTUDY observed, made his friend’s journey arduous and dangerous as he tried not to spill the drinks on anyone as he made his way back to the lone table at the back of the club.

Enough of this. UNDERSTUDY’s internal admonishing to no one in particular gave him the impetus to make his move.   And so began his journey. UNDERSTUDY slowly stood up, feeling drunk from beverages he didn’t even enjoy.

“I’m going to get a drink” he declared

“But I promised that I’ll take care of you” PROTAGONIST protests

“I don’t need to be taken care off”

“I promised that I’ll protect you”

“I DON’T NEED YOUR PROTECTION!!!” the words rolled out of his lips at the exact moment the music died down. Silence.

Everyone turned to look, stillness that felt like eternity ensued. Unlike an eternity though that moment passed.

In that moment dissociation birthed autonomy as the club went back to its buzz.  

Mr UNDERSTUDY began his journey. His very first journey to the bar. His tall stature, sombre appearance and commanding presence attracted swarms of eyes. Everyone turned to look and be enthralled by his dignity, elegance, grace, and rhythmic walk. A walk that told stories of life not lived, choices not made, opportunities not taken and sounds not made.

As he walked towards the bar he felt the warm embrace of curiosity borne out of their eyes as they undress him with soothing stares that sang lullabies, reminiscent of his mother’s cushy bosom, easing his internal conflicts. He felt seen without judgment, understood without explanation and supported without asking. He was at home at a bar because home came from within.  

As a path naturally opened and widened up for him like the red sea, he majestically walked towards the bar. With the volume of the music lowered the upbeat tempo jams gave way to soothing ballads. As a path naturally opened and widened up for him like the red sea, he majestically walked towards the bar. With the volume of the music lowered the upbeat tempo jams gave way to soothing ballads.  

Everyone sang along leaning from side to side like tall grass responding to summer winds.

SADNESS had taken centre stage commanding attention, responsiveness and support whilst ANGER sat in the background unhappy about the turn of events but relieved that he could finally rest.

~The End~