– a sadder piece .

Apologies to those who’ve rooted for me . apologies to those who believed in me, apologies to those who barely know me and assume the best about me .

I’m sorry .

I sincerely apologize for not being good enough, for being the opposite or rather a disappointment to the version of me you had in your mind, I’m sorry.

I’m pretentious, for all the right reasons I ensure, but I do however feel like the weight is too much for me, forgive me, for I’m not who you thought I am .

I’m human, with uncountable mistakes one could highly believe are made on purpose but believe me, I’m sorry .

I’m human, with attachment issues, I barely trust another, but please believe me when I say it’s not on purpose

I’m human, and my defence mechanism is running away, “prevention is better than cure” they say, sorry if I failed you .

I believe in words, in words I believe I find a hiding place, a place to call home, but due to my trust issues, I barely tell no one anyone anything, I’m sorry .

But however I am drowning, singing sadder songs and staying up till late, gasping for air and screaming, can nobody come save ‘cause i’m tired.

sorry .

© Ntandoyenkosi Sejanamane

2023

If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, please know that there is help out there and you can get better. Reach out to SADAG counselling 0800 567 567 (toll-free counselling between 8am and 8pm) or their   Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567. You are not alone.