All our parents tell us girls is to stay away from boys, not to engage in sexual acts and that if you do, you will get pregnant. There is so much to know about sex, not just that if you do it, you are going to get pregnant.

They forget to tell us what we should do when we engage in sexual activities, or maybe the fear they have planted inside us will be enough for us not to even think about doing it.

There are condoms used for protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections and diseases, and contraceptives are used to prevent unwanted pregnancy. They do not tell us about that. “Do not have a boyfriend”, they say. As if we do not have feelings, as if we are robots!

We are even scared to talk to them about boys we like, and if it has happened that we have sex, we keep it a secret. Even if a yeast infection attacks you, you have to fight it alone in secret because the moment you open your mouth, you will get the beating of your life. What comes next is the humiliation you go through as they wake you up in the early morning hours, “you are going to show us where the boy you did this disgraceful act with lives”. Those are your mother’s words.

Instead of asking how you felt it or if, when it happened, you were ready, did the boy ask for consent? They make you feel bad about yourself, hurling insults and calling you a whore and maybe at that time, you only had sex once or with only one person. This does not make you a whore. Nothing does.

If only you had an open relationship with your mother, aunt or guardian, you would have told them that you had these feelings, feeling like you are ready to now engage in sex; they would have given you the right advice and asked if you are sure and if no one is pressuring you to do it. But because you don’t, you take your own decisions. Some end up pregnant, and to others, the seed of fear planted inside them of having a baby does not stop them from having sex. Still, they learn more about ways to prevent pregnancy. Still, they always have anxiety thinking they are pregnant when there is no possibility of it happening because they use condoms and other contraception.

Parents should stop making sex such a fearful activity. Even when it’s the right time to do it, you still think it is wrong because you were taught that way. They should have sex talks with their sons and daughters to ensure that when they do engage, they will do it safely for both parties involved.