“Probably change is what I need,” Lino said looking herself in the mirror

My face is just unlikable, my body too is just not too good, not to mention my skin tone, my hair, oh gosh.

Now I understand the reason, why I fail to fit in with other learners at school, it is not a surprise why some learners walk away from me, every time when I build a friendship it just falls apart in a minute. Now I understand I am the problem, the problem is me, the whole me, my skin tone, my face, my body just my everything, everything I touch, everything I do and everything I dream of or wish for.

To imagine the reopening of schools, I get a bit dizzy and even wish to be a toddler, so I can just sleep, laugh and eat the whole day without stressing myself about what’s going to happen, without stressing about people’s thoughts and my thoughts about me.

I’d go out sometimes, not really going out because that’s what I hate to do, I cannot just refuse when my mom beg me to go and buy her something from the shops, then I’d wear my oversized clothes, thinking people won’t notice me, but before I thought, “hey Lino” someone calling me from behind and then I had to look, smile and pretend like I’m enjoying the conversation, but truly wishing it to end so I could go back home quickly and look at the ugly me on the mirror.

One day, as I was walking down the streets looking for my grandfather’s goats, oh what an embarrassment, I had my earbuds on listening to my favourite song, scars to your beautiful by Allesia Cara, I just happened to trip and nearly fell, so I removed my earbuds on and just walked quietly on the road, and then started whispering, “oh gosh, my body, my skin, my … is just too much for me, you know I hate it.” Finally, I said it and I paused thought I heard something behind me, oh probably thinking out loud, I walked.

“Self Acceptance” a voice whispered and I looked back, ” Mo, what are you…”

“I’ve been paying a good attention to you, if you do not accept yourself and love yourself just the way you are, then do not expect everybody to love you” then he disappeared. I wondered, thought and quickly ran to find goats and went home, to lock myself in my bedroom and look myself in the mirror, for the thousandth time and questioned myself, if I do love myself or if I’m too obsessed and worried and my body so that hinds me to see the real me, I wondered and for days I slept on it and realized I don’t love myself.

To start it all, I started accepting that I’m different from everyone and beautiful in my kind of way and there I loved what I saw in the mirror and there I saw how people loved the confidence and self-care I had, and I beat the “ugly thought of me” and I started enjoying every single minute in the world.

Self-love, self-care, self-acceptance starts with one’s self, this builds one’s self-esteem and confidence. It starts now, with you not with somebody else, you can never expect to be loved, cared for and to be accepted whereas you hate who you are and don’t even try to love what God has made in you, because if you love your self then no one can make you feel bad about yourself.

Alessia Cara said in scars to your beautiful, “You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are.”

Beyonce said, “Your skin is not only dark, it shines and it tells your story.”

And I say, “To love yourself, you do not need permission and that opens many doors and things you weren’t aware of because you were caged in by dishonest thoughts, so love yourself.”