Why am I feeling like this about this guy? There’s just something about him that makes me think twice about my current relationship.

Someone would say I’m cheating on my boyfriend if they found out about my newly developed “friendship” with this guy from work. Wait a minute, I’ve always been transparent about everything to my man but I’ve never said anything about this new “friend”, meaning I’ve been hiding stuff from him, which then makes me a cheater!

Today is the 3rd of November. The year is coming to an end.

I’m so at peace whenever he’s around, he’s a breath of fresh air, he just gets me. I love how I am unapologetically myself around him and I don’t feel the need to be “perfect”because he makes me feel like I already am.

Could this be the reason I leave my boyfriend of five years? We’ve been through so much, we know each other better than anyone else. I am feeling rather guilty about what I’m doing, which is nothing more than going on my lunch breaks at work with this guy and chatting on the phone whenever we’re not near each other, but still I feel bad because I know how bad I’d react if I found out my boyfriend was doing something like this behind my back.

My family thinks I should reconsider this job because it’s turning out to be extremely hectic and stressful for me and they just don’t want to see me have a mental breakdown again, like last year when I almost died (again, story for another day).

I love this job, it pays well, it has more opportunities in store and I enjoy the environment and the people but it’s putting me through a lot of stress honestly.

I want to end of my year on a good note. My romantic relationship in good standing, but I’m not so sure about that because my man has just been acting really weird and I kind of think he might be seeing someone else but I just don’t want to believe it.

My kids will start with their final exams soon and I need to make sure they are well equipped and ready to kick ass, kick books I mean.

This year has been a rollercoaster ride and it’s been filled with a lot of change and I have tried to stay afloat but right now I’m seriously fatigued, I need a vacation.

What do I do? How do I carry on with things as they are without the fear of crashing sooner than later? Are my choices good for me in the long run?

I don’t know which feeling or emotion I should pay more attention to right now. I am struggling internally and otherwise. I need a plan of action and I need it NOW!

It’s all just too much!