Hello, ruminators!

Setting personal boundaries is essential for every human being, it sort of outlines how you want to be treated by other people without making an exception for anyone. It is equally important to verbalise your boundaries and not just keep them in your head.

People will not know if you do not make your boundaries known to them. Being assertive enough to say “I understand that you are angry or that I made you angry but you will not scream at me”. This statement determines how you want the nature of your conversation to be, even when you are in a conflict you do not want to be screamed at. But it does not include an action or a consequence, which makes your boundary incomplete. You would complete it by saying “I understand your anger but if you continue screaming at me like this, I’m afraid I will leave and we will have this discussion when you are calm”.

Boundaries must include an action or a consequence so that people may not be comfortable in disrespecting you. People must know what it is that will happen at the end of that particular conversation or encounter. For example, “If this continues, I will stop spending time with you”. “If this happens I will stop being friends with you”.

How will you know if you do not have any boundaries in your life and you show too much flexibility?

Ruminator, these things do not serve you. You need to learn to say “this far and no further”. Stop bending over backwards and volunteer your time to last minute gatherings. Simply say, “Thank you for the invite, but I will not make it”. They did not initially include you in their plans, you were an after-thought. Perhaps their event needed some seasoning or a clown to entertain them and they thought of you. Yes, you. You who always give up too much of your time. Take yourself seriously and hold people accountable for their actions. Say this, “I will not tolerate any form of abuse”. “I will immediately call out people who berate and criticise me “. “I will not allow others’ irresponsible and immature behaviour to make me lose sleep at night”.

We set boundaries because we want to maintain mutually respectful relationships, to promote our own optimal functioning and well-being not to control others or force them to subscribe to our limitations.

Please let us know what your boundaries are, how you verbalise and enforce them.

#RuminateAndReflect

Love, Katli