Pain differs as much as ways of healing differ; here I was thinking I’d healed only to find out later that I haven’t healed but instead taught myself how to live with the pain and make it a part of my daily life.

No matter how much a person tries to live up to the: “Forgive And Forget” concept, forgiving is possible, but forgetting is more complex than when spoken. I mean, it’s been years since I went through the worst situation, losing my chick at the age of 16 years.

I didn’t know how hard it would get as time went by, but I was so ready to face reality as it is and accept situations I couldn’t change even if I yearned to; this incident traumatised me to the point whereby I turned into an introvert unaware that in the process the damage was getting worse.

My biggest challenge is accepting that she’s no more, but the most hurtful part is that every time I aim at healing, accepting and forgetting the breathtaking incident things just seem to get worse. Just having a dream about her just makes the beast in me want to arise.

The pain of losing someone I loved heartedly is unbearable, being the guy I am, a guy who cannot react to certain things immediately and grateful that I haven’t reacted negatively for so long. What kind of love is shown by hurting the one you claim to love?

Most of the time I ask myself that question but get annoyed by the fact that I don’t get any valid reason for an uncle to react this way, how does an adult look at his child’s peers then feel that he has found a wife? How many times do we have to keep checking on our children when their uncles are the guardians?

Well, I thought I had healed until I attended my girl’s tombstone unveiling and worse part the same uncle who messed up is standing on the podium, talking about how much of a good girl my chick was and the person was out there, lying to the society.

Society might be convinced but I’m one guy who knows the kind of uncle he was to his niece, ever since 2013 I’ve been praying that we get justice for Lulama even though it’s nine years later now. What irritates me the most is that, the family was enlightened regarding the suicide committed by Lulama.

I might have promised her mom that I’m not going to expose the uncle but now I’m forced to do so, I really can’t stand a deceased person’s cry. For quite a while Lulama has been visiting me in my dreams and she’s seeking justice yet I had promised not to start any trouble.

It’s a pity that I have no choice but to expose the uncle for who he really is, we can’t be out there stressing about someone who deserves jail because of the family’s reputation. At least jail will be fair for the uncle but my girlfriend is six feet underground because of stupid actions.

If no one is going to put a stop to this kind of incident it means we don’t care about the other children who are his niece. My life changed to the worst because of this and I cannot forgive, not to mention forget about the pain he caused my girlfriend even though she favored him and he was her favourite.

I guess that’s why elders usually say: “Always Leave Room For Disappointment”, although I understood it in a hard way but what matters the most is finding a solution to the problem in which has the victim’s mother’s support. I just wonder how some parents sleep at night.

When it comes to my children, relation would rather end. At the end of the day we’re all people and no matter how strong we may appear in front of the society, some stuff is unforgivable especially when no justice was served. My hands are tied because the suicidal letter ain’t on me.

I thought I had healed but when I turned to substances to ease my pain I wasn’t aware that I was falling for earthly traps but it didn’t matter because I find the closure I always pray for, people who don’t know what lead me to end up abusing substances will always have a negative thing to say.

One thing I know for a fact is that: “No Man Shall Escape Judgement Day” and no relatives will be there to help with the interrogation. The only thing I lack now is the power and support to get justice for my woman, I can’t continue dying alone whereas there’s somewhere I can find closure.

Substances heal illnesses that cannot be healed even by heart surgeon or even a psychological therapist, I’ve given the family nine years to pop the bubble but nothing has happened meaning I have to fight for babe’s justice even if it means taking down the uncle’s protectors.

I mean, nothing hurts like wishing to see someone but know that it’s never going to happen in this lifetime whereas the culprit is walking freely out there as if he did nothing wrong. I used to say: “God Shall Intervene” but later remembered that “God Loves Us All”.

There are reasons I’d oppose that he loves us all, why did he allow that to happen? And why is the culprit not behind bars? Why do I have to flush my life because of the pain he knows yet doesn’t intervene? Is what I’m asking for too much for God to hear and help us?

Counselling alone ain’t enough, talking about my pain is unnecessary unless there’s a solution for whatever pain I’m suffering from. The pain of losing myself when trying to heal didn’t just make me feel like doing the same thing Lulama did but also crave for the culprit’s blood.

“May Your Soul Keep Resting In Eternal Peace Babe, I’ll Find Myself Again And Promise To Get You The Justice You Deserve”…