I’ve been in love before. We’re started dating in 2021. We’re we both in grade 11 at that time. He was my first love. My first kiss. My first sexual partner. But he was also my first heartbreak. During that on and off relationship we had a lot of great times and also a lot of bad times. After being cheated on countless times, I finally left him in September 2023. The peace that I felt after that breakup was incredible. I was so proud of myself for finally letting go of that toxic relationship, finally letting go of a man that didn’t value me, a man that didn’t deserve me and my love. I thought I would never fall in love again.

But then I met Ishe. My Ishe. My handsome, darkskin Ishe with his black/brownish locs. He looked so good with that locs. It really complimented his face. I met Ishe one afternoon in August 2024, on my way to campus. He approached me and asked for my number. I gave it to him without hesitation. I’m always too scared to say no when a stranger asks my number especially when I’m not in my hometown. Lol at first I thought Ishe was gay. Maybe because of the way he chewed his gum. I remember going home and telling my roommate that I may have made a gay friend. I was so happy. At home I have a few gay friends. They have the best personalities and is so funny.

The next day I received a message from an unsaved number. Just a boring “Hey”. I didn’t respond. The following day I received another message from the same number ” Wow Kay. Grey tick? Cold!”. That message draw my attention and I responded. Guess who it was? Ishe. Since that day Ishe and I talked regularly. We had regular sleepovers at his residence. We often went to the park. We enjoyed each other’s company. I even squeezed out his blackheads on his face. I liked doing that. Something I would never do for anyone. We had a few minor arguments but always talked things out. What we had was beautiful. I don’t know if it was love but what I felt for him was something I never felt for anyone before, not even for my ex.

Ishe and I were never in a relationship. He didn’t like putting a label on things. Me on the other hand liked putting a label on things. But I also knew if we put the “romantic relationship” label on it, what we have will get toxic and ruined. We were still loyal to each other. He was my guy and I was his girl. I was his Kay and he was my Ishe.

Ishe knows about my complicated relationship with my ex. I told him. One day while Ishe was walking me home from the park I got a message from my ex apologising for everything he did. I appreciated the message but it also didn’t mean much. Apologising a year later after I already healed from that relationship didn’t mean much. A few weeks after that he message again asking to be friends. At first I said no but then I agreed. While Ishe and I was at the park I told him about this new friendship with my ex but suprisingly Ishe didn’t like it. Ishe is not the jealous type so I didn’t understand why he would have a problem with it. He ended things. I felt sad and left the park in a hurry. A few seconds later Ishe was running after me. He explained why he doensn’t like this new frienship with my ex. We made up and I had to choose between them. I chose Ishe of course.

Ishe and I went home in the first week of December. We decided that we will not end things because we still liked each other a lot. So we continued things online. However being away from each other was hard. We argued over silly things. I starred being toxic. I ended things. Ishe being Ishe sent me a voice recording, ” Kay I like you. Everything here reminds me of you. When I look at my arms, I see the scratches from when we were having sex and you pinched me. When I look at my watched I remember almost breaking it while stopping you from getting hurt by falling. When I look at my face I remember you squeezing out my blackheads. What we have is real. You know it I know it. The guy at the park who said it’s nice to see young love knows it. The other guy who walked past us saying I’m gonna propose knows it.” That message made me cry. I really liked him. But we were also so different and that’s what led to most of the arguments. He is a black guy living in a nice neighbourhood. Growing up in a nice affectionate family. I am a coloured girl growing up in a ghetto neighbourhood. Half of my family members is gangsters. I grew up in a non affectionate home. That really had a huge impact on me. All the misunderstandings led to arguments. That eventually led to the end of our “relationship”.

He’ll always be my Ishe. I’ll forever cherish our special moments together.

( Also, the title of my first love story is “Love, or not?” by Kaylin Hill. However that is only part one. I didn’t write a part 2. But ja, our final breakup was last year 2023)