What if I chose to be like this ,what if I chose to live my life as a non man ,to avoid getting into sexual relationships with men ,same people who murder and kill us because we’re women

Growing up life seemed lovely ,even though at home there was no peace but life was lovely when I was with my friend luvuyo ,she was from a loving family and everytime I went there I was welcomed with love ,I felt more at home than when I was at my own home .

Having a drunkard father who always shouts and beat up my mother to a pulp while we are watching,he would call her names that were unpleasant ,we would watch him doing this each and every night,till one night Nomazwe my older sister decided to stab uTata ,she woke me up while u Tata was busy beating up our mother ,she whispered to me “Lonwabo Vuka ,I’m going to do something bad , something that I know will get me in deep sh*t and I won’t come back now , I want you to promise me that you will continue with education,work hard and make sure that you secure the future for you and mom ,u xelele Umama that I love her may she forgive me because I’m doing this for her” ,while UNomazwe was still talking we heard a loud scream from uMa then there was total silent ,we ran to their room and found our mother in a pool of blood ,uTata was hold a butcher knife breathing loudly ,Nomazwe tried fighting him screaming ,but uTata had so much power that he ended up stabbing Nomazwe .I ran away from home .

And that was the day my life changed ,I witnessed my mother and sister being murdered by my father a trauma I had to live with ,I hated my father with everything in me ,i had to live on the streets ,every night was a struggle ,I tried reaching out to Luvuyo for help but she flatly refused ,I started hanging out with the wrong people ,men took advantage of me ,I ended up testing positive of HIV