The more it hurts is the more you get over it. I have been asking myself why I went through this pain for so many years. I didn’t grow like any other kids. I’ve delt with bad days and nights. I was denied a freedom of being raised by both biological parents.

Imagine struggling while your father is out there enjoying life with other kids that are not his. Sometimes it’s our parents that block our blessings. I mean, why do you bring kids in this world knowing you can’t take care of them? That’s selfishness of men of today’s generation.

This generation of absent fathers has broken so many souls, and I’m one of those souls. You can’t be strong all the time. I keep asking why did my father leave me in the first place, and come back after so many years of struggling with a single mother. I demanded answers from him, and he failed to answer.

He doesn’t know what to say to me. All he has is a pain of regrets, that I think he will live with for the rest of his life. Then it came to a point where I had to make peace with this. I can’t keep on crying over a spilt milk. Life has to carry on. I’m trying to build a bond with him, but it’s not easy. I asked the Lord to give me strength and to forgive him. I don’t want to love him, and I don’t want to hate him. But I don’t know how to do that because it’s ruining my life.