While trying to explain to the driver that I forgot my wallet at home, she came to my rescue and quickly paid the money to avoid any further embarrassment.

I was surprised by her action and I gladly thanked her for coming to my rescue.

We parted our ways only to meet again in a lecture hall. It was then I got to know that she is my course mate, and our beautiful friendship started.

She was everything a man could want in a woman. She was all shades of awesomeness. 

Gloria!!

The lady who showed me what true love was. She showed me the joy of having someone you love wholeheartedly. We were best of friends.

We were so close in a way that our coursemates thought we were dating.

Oh, well. I wanted that, too… I mean, I always wanted to date her and have her all to myself every secend, but I was scared of what she will say.

I was scared that she would not reciprocate my love.

What if she thinks I’m trying to play her, or even worse what if she thinks am trying to use her.

 What if she stops being friends with me… No, I can’t afford to loose a friend like her.

She was so beautiful, smart, ambitious, industrious, very strong and most importantly, caring.

She was the kind of woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The last person I see before I sleep, and the first person I see when I wake up, my forever partner. The one I want to be with through think and thin.

The person I want to go on this love journey with. The only one i want to grow old with. My number one.

But, I was just too scared to let my feelings show.

So our friendship only ended at the, “bestie” level. People actually thought she was the love of my life… What can I say? She was the love of my life, but I didn’t know how she felt about me.

After our graduation from the university, as if fate was on my side, we were posted to the same state to serve our fatherland. 

I was posted as a teacher to a secondary school, and she was posted to a reputable accounting firm as a junior accountant. 

Though we will be far from each other, we always found a way to see one another… At least three times a week. 

I read books and watched tutorials on how to woo a lady… Crazy, right? I know.

I would feel so motivated after watching such videos, but when I come to see her face I’d be so awestruck, my tongue gets tied my knees would fail me and my body would shut down completely.

I love her. God knows that I do. But would fear let me show? No.

I didn’t know how to tell her that I truly loved, and wanted to wife her.

How do I tell this woman that I want her to be by my side, how do I tell her I want to conquer the would with her

The day we did our POP, I promised myself to propose to her…crazy right I know, I even bought a ring. I practiced what I saw in a video so many times, just to make sure I didn’t do the wrong thing.

I decided to call her and ask to meet. Before I even dail her number, her call came through. She sounded excited as she said, “I would love us to meet in the evening. I have some good news for you.”

My excitement matched hers as I told her I wanted to see her, too. 

She agreed to meet at our usual place later in the evening.

That evening immediately she saw me, she hugged me and with joy written all over her face, she said, “I’ve been seeing a guy. We met at the firm where I work. Guess what? He proposed to me, and I said yes… Your girl would be getting married soon!” she said dancing around non-stop.

I felt like the whole world stopped. It hurt so much, it was as if someone reached inside my chest, and pulled my heart out and stepped it so many times. The walls were closing in, I couldn’t breathe.

I came back to reality when I heard her voice, “So bestie, what is the surprise you said you had for me?” As she softly slapped my chest. 

I couldn’t tell her that I loved her anymore. All I could do was be happy for her, “nothing important babe, I just want to tell you that I have gotten a job” I lied.

“Wow really… That calls for a celebration, this is double celebration”, she said giggling

My heart was crumbling, but I gave her the best smile I could muster… 

24th May 2016

I will never forget that day. It was her wedding day, her big day. 

My one true love was taken away from me, and there was nothing I could do. She was kissing someone else, and I had no right to stop them. It hurt so much, I had to lie about being sick to excuse myself only because I couldn’t sit back and watch her being taken away from me.

That night, she called me to asked me if I was fine as she was told that I couldn’t wait till the end of the wedding because I was sick, I said I was better she shouldn’t worry… After a short, and sweet conversation, I wished her a happy married life. 

I hung up, and cried myself to sleep.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. 

It felt like I died. I wasn’t myself anymore, nothing really mattered to me. I tried to date other girls in order to forget her, but it didn’t work. I could not love anyone else… There’s no one else for me beside her.

Three years after her wedding, I received a phone call from a strange number, 

“Hello… Is this uncle Andile?” A female voice asked calmy from the other end. 

“Yes… who am I speaking to”, I inquired.

“This is Excel, Gloria’s younger sister”, she replied.

My heart skipped a beat as her name was mentioned, “Oh! Good evening ma’am. How is Gloria?” I asked, still surprised that her younger sister would call me.

She sobbed, “We lost her, she died this morning during childbirth. We are just glad the baby is alive. She died immediately after the baby came, because she lost so much blood” and broke down in tears…

I couldn’t believe what I just heard. No, not my Gloria. Why did this have to happen? 

Watching her be with someone else was better. God, why did this have to happen?

On the day of her burial, I wasn’t myself. I couldn’t control the tears that were freely flowing from my eyes.

I lost her twice.

Looking at her beautiful round face for the last time, “I love you and I am really sorry I didn’t tell you sooner I was scared that I will lose you as a best friend” that was all I managed to say.

The next day, I went to her family house to pay my last respect.

After a while, her diary was brought out by her younger sister, “Gloria said when she dies, I should read this dairy to the world.”

While Excel was reading through her diary, I got to know more about her pain and some of her past experiences in life. When she was alive, she always didn’t like talking about it.

Then in one of the pages she wrote,

 “From the day I saw him at the park, I fell in love with him. I don’t know if this is stupid but I think it was love at first sight. He was perfect, my dream man. I love the way he was calm and collected despite the drivers shouting.

I was elated when I got to know he was my coursemate. Our friendship was the best thing that has ever happened to me but I wanted more than friendship. I wanted to be his woman, I wanted him to be mine and mine alone, but he never popped the question.

I saw the love in his eyes, but I never wanted to rush to conclusions. He might just love me as a friend. Day after day, I tried to pop the question but I was scared, I was so scared of what he would do so I kept it to myself.

I love him, I love him and I love him. I wanted to lay my head on his broad chest as he sings sweet love songs to me. I wanted to kiss those beautiful lips of his, and tell him how much I cared. I wanted to be his woman, fighting and conquering the world with him but it seems we were never meant to be together.

Dear Diary, when you see him, tell him how much I waited for him to pop that question. Tell him how disappointed I was that he didn’t. Tell him I would love him till my every last breathe”

After she read the last line, I broken down in tears like a little kid I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Everyone present was bewildered by my action, 

“I lost her the third time”, I said as the tears kept pouring over my cheeks.

THE END…💔