All this feels like a dream that i want to wake up from. I feel like screaming my lungs out because i never thought i had to bear with this pain, as my heart is pumping harder and each day I’m getting weak.

Whenever we fought he would tell his family and put me in the wrong, so that they would fight for him because I’m all alone and he has this big one family that fights for him even when he is in the wrong. I thought everything was going well for us , I thought he loved me , mind you we have a 5month old baby girl and all I wanted was for us to be a family. He lives near work so anytime I wanted his attention, love and spend time with him he would come up with excuses. I have been nothing but good to him, a heart of gold , a forgiving soul so I don’t understand why he had to do this to me. He would take up to 3weeks without asking about his child on the phone always wanting to fight with me.

I felt that something was wrong I felt he was cheating but i wasn’t sure as I live far away from him. I thought he loved our baby how did it come to this extent because there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him, I’ve always been there whenever there were problems for him but when things go well for him he would forget me. What kind of love is that? So yesterday we were fighting about how ignorant he is towards his baby that’s when he confessed and told me he met a girl at a party they exchanged numbers last week and this week she’s pregnant. God did I not scream and cry, after all the sacrifices, support and kindness i used to show him, I was there since day one I’ve never done him wrong but still he did this. I asked him why he didn’t use protection he said it busted but I know that he didn’t use it, my heart is shattered, what is the way forward from now? I can’t sleep i can’t eat what do I do now?

He kept on apologising but the image created in my mind doesn’t disappear what do I do now? I never thought i would face something so hard especially with our baby so young ohh god why? I can never love anyone like that because no matter how good you are boys don’t need pity but what did I do to deserve this. I told him that whatever type he need I will be that and that I’ll change for him I’ll be his type and wear frontals and make up and go to the gym. I asked him to be patient with me as I am still a new mom trying to fix herself and that I will work hard to be his type and I was ready to make him happy but he said he loved me the way i am but still I was ready to change for him but he was able to cheat on me without a protection with a girl he didn’t even know and they were calling each other babe. He also says he’s remorseful because I was nothing but good to him I didn’t deserve this.

I wish I heal, focus on myself and my child so that she sees a better version of me and not A broken one. I ask god to heal my heart so I can accept and move on.