I was twenty two years old when I was presented an opportunity to work at The Turbulent Waters (A South African telenovela) as an extra actress. I had stayed for four good years without any occupation or schooling. Honestly, I was getting tired, day by day, and year by year. Some nights I’d sleep with a wish that I never wake up to this stagnant life, and some mornings I’d wake up with heavy heart. I did very well on my matric. My results were stunning, but rejection from the universities and colleges had become my yearly bread.

So an opportunity for me to be on screens came as a miracle straight from heaven. I appreciated God every minute of it. Just when I had been convinced that I truly am as useless as I’d been told for years, I suddenly had an opportunity to appear on screens. That very moment, we didn’t have a TV in our room, a small rental room wherein I stayed with my mother and my little sister. Staying with your mother at the age of twenty two was something else on its own!

Every day, grateful for such an opportunity, I’d wake up at four in the morning, by five I’d be on my way to the first taxi, then by half past five, I’d be taking my second taxi, straight to the studio. By Half past six I’d be signing in and heading for breakfast.

On my first day, I remember everything just vividly. There was a gorgeous lady named Tabitha. I don’t know what I did to her exactly, I only looked at her because, since I didn’t have TV, I didn’t know The Turbulent Waters and when I saw familiar faces, my attention would obviously be captured. The lady shouted at me so badly she actually stood up and made a scene -a real life scene this time- and all I could do was stand there shrinking into the wall on my back, embarrassed and scared! All eyes were on me and everyone was silent, which made matters even worse.

Minutes later, after that scary and embarrassing scene, Tabitha was sitting on her chair and I was standing there like a statue, sure to not even move my finger, in case I upset anyone else. Tension was too much to bear and I just wanted to disappear!

Second day I realised that she actually had a problem with everyone, it wasn’t just me, and my hard luck was having some of her episodes on my very first day. I realised that the wardrobe manager herself feared her, the make-up artists, the hairdresser, and even the directors themselves. For hours, work would go on without a word to Tabitha, and make no mistake when her time to say her lines came; she tapped into the character so beautifully!

Sometimes when she’d come to work in a good mood, she’d just sourly turn the whole place to some Luke warm awkward space, but of course she was rarely in a good mood, probably one day in two weeks. No one had a friendship or any kind of a relationship with her. Worse, no one even looked at her, when you had to speak to her you’d have to set your eyes on the floor, and quickly say what you want to say and done! Most of our colleagues thought she had a frozen ugly and vicious heart, but I didn’t want to believe that. I held on to an assumption that she was going through something really difficult.

One particular day I was sitting with my colleagues from TeeVee media, in our change room where we mostly just stayed and chatted while reading our movements from scripts, sitting in a cycle with the heater in our middle. An email came through, I realised it was from the University of Western Cape. I scanned through the whole passage, and the line I still remember vividly was “Your Application to Study Labour Law in the UWC has been successful. Congratulations on your new journey with us…” And from then on, I remember flinging the throw open and darting for the door. Tears were making warm streams down my cheeks, I wanted to scream, I wanted to jump! After four whole years! Finally God had remembered me! Gratitude overwhelmed me so heavily, and I wanted to hug God so badly! I couldn’t believe my eyes. Before I could even try to calm myself down, we were called for a scene. I only managed to wipe my tears, and the Balloon of everything beautiful within me was growing bigger and bigger I began to shiver and shudder! I wanted to at least jump to ease the feeling, but I couldn’t.

We entered the studio and the main characters were being briefed on the scene’s structure when I found myself staring at Tabitha, my sight was almost blurry with tears brimming in my eyes. The feeling I had felt before grew only stronger now. I wanted to hug God, the only father I’ve had, so badly, I wanted him to be like a human and enter the studio, so I’d jump on to him and hug him so tightly! Tabitha started shouting and making a scene, as usual, but this time I only stood still, my heart was so warm and cosy and for a moment, what Tabitha was doing, didn’t make sense. It’s like there was a glass separating my heart from what she was probably trying to do to it. Then she came closer, and closer, and shouted louder and louder, but to me at that moment, it was just a harmless movement. The whole studio was gravely silent, even the director who was briefing us about the structure. The next thing I know, my arms were wrapped tightly around her. The piercing silence brought me back to my senses! I’ve Hugged Tabitha! I couldn’t believe the moment, it all felt like I had jumped from one consciousness to another. I kept my eyes widely open in shock, glancing around, and then I slowly felt her arms sliding up and then around my waist. I felt my heart beat differently, in a way I’ve never felt before. I closed my eyes, and tightened my arms gently, I almost felt like I was absorbing her whole body to mine. The hug was just so different. We stood like that for so long, long enough to have the scene cancelled because it was suddenly time for lunch.

In the kitchen while I was excitedly chatting with my colleagues as usual, trying to decide between vegetable achar or chilly tomato sauce, a sudden silence lifted my head up to them, and then right at that moment, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, I glanced back, it was Tabitha. She moved closer and her cheek warmly touched mine, and then she whispered, “For some moments there, I thought I was being hugged by God” she smiled and kissed my cheek, and then she walked away,