Life has turned into the darkness. Being a young person doesn’t mean I haven’t learned anything about life. This is my story. My name is Mia. I’m 20 years old.

I miss the person I was before the pain changed me. I miss the person I was when I didn’t meet anyone; I miss the person I was when I didn’t know anything about this world. I was inside my mom’s womb for 9 months, peaceful and quiet. then I get to see this world and get meet people. When I opened my eyes, I thought finally I have seen the light .

Being out was a miracle I didn’t know anyone so I cried but In the mean time I got to understand and get along with them very good . My parents teached me things around . I Was happy to experience everything because I used to be in a quite place without a sound . I started meeting young ones like me going to day care experiencing different things.

That smile I used to smile just disappeared what made my smile disappear? Everything has a beggining but we don’t know how will it end. I’m coming from a good family loving and supporting . Every family has a darkness secret that keeps spreading into generations and generations. My father used the beat my mother infront of me and my siblings

I’m the 4th child in the family .First born which is my brother join the gang and do drugs left home . Second born my brother again got a good job and got a girlfriend moved in with her wife ,now they have 2 children together. Third born my sister drop out of school because of teenage pregnancy. She gave birth then after 10 days my sister left with other man.

She left the child with our mother, me and father. Then here is me the last born. Growing up watching everything around was hectic, my mother died when I was 10 years old pain after pain. It’s me and my father now and my sisters child. I cook, I clean, I do washing and every activity on the house including my school work

Sometimes I ask my self questions that no one can answer and wonder why? Why do I suffer a lot what did I do to deserve this? Only find out that no one will answer or hear me. Have you ever been in a situation when you just let things be the way they are? Feeling lost without no one to talk to. Wanting to run away but don’t have a direction.

The world turn against you accuse your self everytimes when something goes wrong I drinked, I smoked, I cried, I found three friends to talk to and a teacher but friends made fun of me , my teacher gossip in the staffroom about me with other teachers. I felt empty and ask my self who can I trust? I have been in a situation where I learned that trust exist only if you trust yourself.

Friend only exist when you become your own best friend. I prayed every night to be successful. Then I failed classes 2 times repeating same class but I made it. I even experience someone being murdered in front of me. Boys fight ended up one of them dying. Sometimes my father used to call me names. Then I made it in school I went to university another thing happened.

I meet new people my advice is don’t try to fit yourself in life you see it’s not for you so I did. I party a lot then I got into trouble got arrested spend 1 night in prison there was no criminal record made so it’s was a scare off. Then on my last year on the third year in journalism in the university. I meet a guy he was a good guys few months with him I got pregnant and I abort the child .

We still together till now but he never knows about the pregnancy but after days I told him the truth at first he was angry but he understood. After that I bought a diary and wrote my feelings

Dear diary

I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to see the world . When I found out that I’m pregnant I couldn’t think about anything but this world . How its is I couldn’t bring you here so I protected you by letting you go ,I know it’s not a good thing but it’s was a best ones .Forgive me but I did what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t let you experience things here I have seen I have been there done that.

I knew that If I bring you I would’ve failed to protect you. Sometimes worlds change your smile . I wish you can forgive me I did what I had to do. I suffered once I couldn’t let you suffer. Yes I suffered once I couldn’t let my self suffer again for protecting you .I know what I did was wrong and painful I couldn’t let you feel alone , ashamed , been gossiped .

I love you but not everything is about love sometimes its about protecting .And what I did was protecting forgive me ,now you free and you are an angel that why I name you today Grabriel forgive me my child .

Ihave quit everything you will always be in my heart no matter what. Mia continue to be in a relationship with his boyfriend but when her life began to be in a good track and happy. She was diagnosed with brain tumor and didn’t make it .