Something I haven’t seen people talking about is how it’s possible to have extremely strong emotions that don’t come from any one single event, but from a bunch of events that, on their own, feel trivial. So, you feel like you’re in a bad mood for ‘no reason’ because you can’t think of any single inciting incident that feels proportionate to the intensity of the feelings you’re experiencing. You’re actually feeling the emotional strain of a thousand minor events stacked on top of each other. Your feelings are valid. You aren’t feeling upset for ‘no reason.

We lose ourselves when we learn how to please. My trauma didn’t make me stronger. It made me a people pleaser. It made it impossible for me to give up on people. It made me exhaustingly empathetic. It made me constantly feel the need to take responsibility for other peoples problems even if I didn’t cause them. i had never before considered that people near me might have problems that were not caused by me. I had been created to please people. If the people around me weren’t happy, I must be doing something wrong.

I lost myself when I learned how to please.

I Think a lot of us are Caring weight we were never meant to Carry, The expectation to be liked by the people around us.. The weight of needing to fall in love before it’s too late.. The weight of finding the Right Job to impress your family, all these Different things. Recently I have been having these bad thoughts in my head that would try to put me in the state of fear, they keep saying thing like:.this is your last day breathing or you are not going to live for a long time and it almost became believable, I know it kind of sound crazy to some people but it actually worried me sometimes, and I shed tears over not knowing when my death day will be. When these moments came I forgot to fill my mind with truth and the fact that Christ say I’m delivered from the fear of Death and that I no longer have to worry about my life I can take a deep breath because of what God Has Done .I wanted to be physically erased and start over again. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be there. I guess I wanted to be nowhere, I wanted to listen to my brain talk inside of nothingness. I wanted to be untouchable and have no need.I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you’ve always wanted to be, and feel alone.I am afraid. Not of life, or death, or nothingness, but of wasting it as if I had never been.