Ok, I’m not doing well, to say the least, or the most actually. I don’t know how things went south so quickly. I thought I had everything under control.

I am exhausted, I’m not coping mentally and emotionally I’m just crushed. A lot is going on and I’m losing it. How do I slow down while keeping the consistency n everything?

Work has been hectic, the work load is out of this world, home has also been quite a lot and relationships are just walking on thin ice.

The company is working on international contracts meaning we have to put in the extra effort and hours. Good for them, well I mean us, but at what cost?

It is the 11th of September, not far from my birthday and that’s probably another reason I feel so crappy about anything and everything lately. I usually get birthday blues where I’ll be in depressive mode before, during a a little after my birthday, I never celebrate it but that’s a story for another day.

The story today is about how like the past week, I’ve been late for work. I knock off late and still have to be a parent when I get home until the little ones go to bed ( they are not so little anymore and hate it when I call them little, but to me they always will be – feels good saying that ), then I bury myself into more work for a few more hours then napping and soon It’s the next day then the next then the next.

Not having much time on my hands means I can’t spend much time with my man. This also means I don’t have me-time to unwind and do some self care.

My boyfriend is now rather insecure and feels like I’ve met “someone in my league” and I’m forgetting about him. He’s always said that I was “too good for him” and “one day I’ll leave him for my type” and I would laugh it off because it was never true.

My parents are worried about me because I’m not eating well anymore, some days I even forget to eat; I’m not getting enough rest and they are not happy about this. They are even suggesting I stop work because “my well-being is worth more than any amount”. I am still blessed beyond measure to have such considerate parents and this gratitude fuels me to work harder so that I can give them a better life.

I am also happy to have a friend that understands that we don’t have to talk and meet every day to stay friends. She understands that life sometimes comes in the way and you just need to pause some parts of your life until things start making sense again then you can happily resume.

Life is a bit tough right now, I’m just glad I’m sorted financially or that would just kill me. I don’t know how to balance things out and I’m also trying to not push away anyone in the process of figuring things out.

I don’t know how I’ll fix this but I have to!