When I was younger I was that type of family member/friend that would kill a bull for someone I love or care about dearly, if you have harmed anyone close to me, I will hunt you down even if it’s not the same day but I will get you.

I was that person that would make sure everything is 100% on your side before I concentrate on myself, I would put everyone’s feelings and needs before my own.

I will always think of you before thinking of myself, Sad part is while trying to do my best for everyone I lose myself, that when it’s time to face my own battles I am too weak and people that I would’ve jumped an ocean for would not even jump a small puddle for me, I am not a priority in their life like they were my priority. This I only found out or had to learn the hard way In a way I’m in such a dark hole and no one cared to help when I ask nobody can help. Where are all those people that I made my priority?

Things like that hurt and build up such anger and bitterness that, when I think about it now that I’m more mature and had life kick me around in order to learn a few lessons about life.

One of the most difficult lessons I have ever learnt in life is reacting to situations emotionally, Learning how to control your emotions and holding my tongue is the hardest thing to learn, Until this very hour I still struggle but believe you me it’s the best solution to any problem or conflict and will leave the other person feeling guilty for what they have done to you, e.g. When you fuming for someone that has done you wrong, you start swearing, saying hurtful things throwing things all out of anger! And remember out of anger there can be things you have said that could be right but comes out completely wrong. What happens after you cool down? You start feeling bad for everything you have said or if you said the right things you tend to forget a few other points that you would bring out but you were too angry at that point to remind yourself about it. Why? Because you reacted out of anger!

So in this scenario what I have learned is: When you fuming at someone that did you wrong I will keep quiet but maybe in my actions you will most probably see that I am not impressed with you at the moment, I will calm myself before uttering anything because I don’t want to leave anything out, so I’ll take my walk, I will pray about the situation or listen to music anything that calms me down then at the right time I will speak to you and bring out the right points that led to my anger and hopefully find a solution that will not upset anybody.

In that manner no one will get hurt and make the problem bigger than what it was, no one will end up in jail or in hospital, and no one will feel any guilt for saying things that are not supposed to be said/ hurting anyone’s feelings all out of anger.

A pastor once preached and said A man that who cannot control his emotions is the weakest man on earth but a man that knows how to control his emotions is one of the strongest men on earth. Now I finally truly understand that saying because it’s extremely difficult but with God anything is possible, patience and timing are best.