Bonolo Matlala

So. Maybe we should have included index. I’m not that important.(“yet”) I guess.

I have anxiety. I’ve typed this paragraph multiple times. Because ..yeah. Anyway.

My anxiety feels like being in a room full of stiffling books and I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m drowning , on dry land. Like I constantly try to choose me but I make the wrong choice every time.

My anxiety feels like I keep making decisions that hurt me more than they make me. And sometimes I wanna go home , but what am I sacrificing. You.

Anyway. I’m anxious. But I’m also black.
So ..
I can’t cry.
I can’t complain.
I can’t talk back.
Because .
I have anxiety. But I’m black.
So . It’s silent.
It’s crazy..
Or loud
Or extra.
Because you may have Anxiety..
But you’re black.
And I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I can’t help.
I’m sorry I can’t make it better.
Because I have anxiety too..
But…I’m black.
And I guess that doesn’t count yet.