Girls! What can I say? Eish, it’s not easy, especially for a guy like me. You could call me a late starter. I’m the shy guy who never gets the girl. I’m the guy that girls just want to be ‘friends’ with. They are happy for me to help them with their maths, or even to write their essays for them, but there is this unspoken rule. It’s like I can hear it, even when they don’t say it. “Make one wrong move and my chommies will sort you out.” And I mean these girls stick together like gum. And you won’t believe the vicious words that come out of those sweet lips it’s ‘Guilty Until Proven Innocent’ with them. And half the time you don’t even know what you’ve done wrong when they give you the ’speak to the hand’ treatment.

You’d think I’d give up on girls, if that’s how I feel.But you see, despite all of the above, the thing is I really like them. And yes, there is one in particular. Her name is Phathokazi. I’ve said it so many times. What a beautiful name. It sounds like the pitter patter of raindrops. Phathokazi, Phathokazi. Oh, so refreshing and sweet. You should see her. She is so cute! Phathokazi! I’ve written her name all over the back page of my English book – with some hearts here and there. Problem is, so have just about all the other boys in the class, except for Thatho. He’s more interested in books and chess and blowing up the science lab. Sometimes I think he doesn’t know what a girl is.

You’d think I wouldn’t get anywhere with a girl like Phathokazi. But you would be wrong. I’ve got way past the ‘first base’ as they say in those American movies. I’ve invited her to a dance – yes, we’ve waltzed and jazzed and mapantsula’d our way into each other’s hearts. We’ve had photos taken and framed. I’ve asked her to marry me and she said YES. We’ve gone down the aisle – her in a beautiful white flouncy dress, and me in my tux. AND we’ve already got three children . In my DREAMS!

In real life I’ve got as far as sitting next to her in class. And I only got to do this by bribing Zuki to swap seats. Everyone wants to sit next to Phathokazi. It’s obvious – she’s the prettiest girl in the class, with the sweetest voice and the cutest smile.


Tell us what you think: Do you think Thando should go for Phathokazi? How should he try to get her attention?