I am chatting with my bras at break time and the subject of girls comes up. It’s like we always start with sport: Who’s going to win the match this weekend, Swallows or Pirates? Amakhosi or Ajax? Then it’s: What car are you going to drive one day? Audi 3 series or Mini Cooper? Beamer or a C-class? That’s where Vusi always chips in with a Rolls Royce – he’s very ‘old school’. And then there’s a pause. We all know what’s coming next, the subject of GIRLS.

That’s when Dumi, always full of advice and ‘wise words’ says, “You need a game plan.” He’s says it every time like love is a soccer match and with the right strategy I am bound to score! And then the others join in.

“Ja, get your game on, dog,” Bubby chips in, like he’s one of those Idols judges. “Get your game on…”

“But girls are so different, so complicated.” I tell them.

“You gotta find a common language.” Says Dumi, rolling his eyes.

“Like what?

“The Language of Love.” They all tease me and laugh, because I’m not exactly experienced. Dumi on the other hand has worked his way through two thirds of Grade 10. The girls can’t get enough of Dumisani Dolo! They buzz around him like bees round a honey pot. “It’s because I don’t care.” He tells me. “You gotta make like it doesn’t matter to you, whether you get the girl or not. They’ll come running, believe me. It’s all in your attitude.”

So of course the next day I try this out. I walk like I don’t care. I talk like I don’t care – I’m avoiding girls left, right and centre. Only it’s difficult because how do you ignore someone who is already trying to avoid you? But I do my best. And when Betty asks me what our homework was for Maths I just look away into the far distance, like there’s something really interesting out there. I shouldn’t have done that. I told you girls always move in groups. Well, the next minute Petunia Panda, who is also Phathokazi’s bodyguard, and the loudest and scariest girl you’ll ever meet, says. “What’s wrong with you? You think you’re too good for us now? What does it smell like up there in the clouds?” And of course they all giggle and mock me saying things like, “Mmm…I always knew he was stuck up.” And “ I bet he’s a mommies boy.”


Tell us what you think: How do you rate Dumi’s advice?