Marley always smiled at me. He had the most amazing smile with the sweetest eyes. I would melt each time I saw it. Gosh, I can’t explain the way my tummy would start spinning, butterflies indeed! Butterflies like a little girl on Christmas day expecting the gift she’s been asking for all year, only to find nothing under the tree. That was exactly what Marley was to me, empty promises and lost hope. I’m not ready to fall in love again, especially since the last man I loved broke me. He broke me to the core. I’m thirty five years old with a broken heart and two kids. Who would want me? Certainly not Jonathan.

“Ma, ek soek kos,” Angelo says.

“Askies? Jy kan mos vir jouself kos gaan maak.”

I don’t know where he gets these rude manners from. In my day, there was nothing of, “Ma, ek soek kos.” Miskien ’n klap op jou kop, ja, but no demands for food. Ek is somma kwaad nou!

My naam is Petronella Adams. I am thirty five years old, I live in the Bo-Kaap with my two children.

Angelo is fourteen this year and Kian is only three. Kian and Angelo don’t have the same father. Angelo’s pa passed on when the boy was only five years old. A skollie vannie Kaap, a gangster. He was shot, ruthlessly killed and heartlessly forgotten by the system, but not by me, and not by those who knew him beyond the gang facade. Hy was amper my trouman, but I told him he needed to change his life around before marrying me. He told me that he wanted to, he looked at Angelo and he said he couldn’t let his child grow up with a skollie as a father. But a few hours later, he was shot. It’s sad how life goes sometimes.

Some years later I learned to love again. When Angelo was ten, I fell in love with my best friend, Marley. He was a good man. Yes, I said was. Because he isn’t good anymore. He got me pregnant and then he left. He left innocent Kian. Kian has his eyes, his hair and yes, even his smile.

“Daai issie my kind nie,” was al wat hy vir my gesê het en nogals op WhatsApp.

“Wie anders, Marley? I only got bymekaar with you!” was my response, but the message never went through. He blocked me.

I see now that Marley only wanted a good thing. Two years of my life wasted. Angelo never liked him. I guess trust your kids when they tell you they don’t like your partner. They are not being funny, they are sometimes life’s greatest advisors.

Waar is Marley nou? Hy sit in Durban saam met ’n jong bok. Siestog, ek bid dat sy gou daar wegkom voor hy weer ’n kind saam haar maak en haar los vir die next kin met lang, mooi hare, unlike me, as he always said.

“Mama! Mama!” Dis Kian. Hy huil weer.

Ek gee vir hom maar sy kos en vir Angelo ook. Die kinders is my lewe. But I won’t lie, ek het ’n man nodig om die kinders liefde te gee. En miskien ook ’n man wat my liefde sal gee.

I have someone in mind, but like I said, who would want to date someone like me, a thirty-five-year-old single mom without a stable job? Certainly not Jonathan Michal Adriaans.

***

Tell us: Do you think Petronella with every find another man to love?