May 18 2012 17:00
I think I’m much better now. I feel better, I look better, and I’m thinking better too. Tomorrow’s Saturday and Chris and I will have our fourth date. I’m looking forward to it so very much. He called today and we spoke for nearly thirty minutes. We talked about everything, and nothing, and he asked me a strange question that made me realise that he cares more than I think he does.
He asked me what I wanted to do when I get out of here. I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it. I have two months to go then I’m free and I don’t know what I want to do. So Jane, for the next few weeks you will have to help me figure it out. We’ll have to brainstorm and find me a future. I think I owe Chris an answer. I want to give him a few ideas when he comes, so he can help me chose.
Louise says I’m clearly in love, that I’m smitten and head over heels. I think I am. And I’ve accepted that Chris loves me too and that I am worthy of his love. I’m in the process of self-healing and that means forgiving my parents and moving on with my life. I’ve been drug-free since I arrived here, and God knows how relieved I am. So I will complete this thing for myself first, then for Chris. He deserves better and I will be better for him. I’m in a good head space and I should just focus on getting a job and then I’ll figure out what I want to do with my life.
June 29 2012 12:05 AM
I have neglected you and I’m sorry. I’ve been busy. Really busy building my life. A lot has happened since we last spoke and I’ll fill you in.
Chris and I had our two month anniversary yesterday and I was allowed to go out and be with him. No, we didn’t do it − he says we must wait − but we’ve been kissing a lot. He’s got a lot of self-restraint. I admire that. At first I thought he didn’t find me attractive anymore, so I asked him why he doesn’t kiss me. I mean it wasn’t like we hadn’t had sex before. But he said that was different, and this time round he wants to ‘woo’ me. Wow, who says ‘woo’ anymore? But it feels nice to be wanted.
Then, when we did finally kiss he was so hot for me it made me giggle. It’s strange but they say we’re like teenagers. If I had a teenage-hood worth remembering this is how I would’ve wanted it to be.
So another development: Rick and Chris got me a sponsor for my art. Can you believe it? I can’t. I will have to go to school and study art. Some private school for rich people, but I’m not rich, hence the sponsor. I will have to see a shrink regularly just to assess where I am mentally and emotionally and that I can handle the outside.
For the next month to come Chris will join me for my sessions with Louise, just to talk, coz he wants me to move in with him. Gina and Pearl still live there but they’re moving out soon, and it’ll just be me and him. He’s getting Gina singing lessons with one of his clients so she can go work and earn her own way. And Pearl? Well she landed herself a rich-ass lonely doctor who travels around the world and does heart surgery. Who would’ve thought?
Life truly is worth living. As for Chris, he says he’ll find a business to invest in and I know he’ll do great in whatever venture he chooses. He’s smart like that.
I’ve never been happier, so I don’t know – but maybe I am going to have a proper life? Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you.
July 12 2012 05:00 AM
This is the last time I will write to you within these four white walls. I am going home tomorrow with Chris. He says he has registered me to do a computer course so I’ll have something to do for the next five months that I’ll be out, before I start at art school. It was a late registration and he had to beg them to make an exception due to my situation.
I love him. There: I said it. I love him, I love him, I love him! So now I will focus on my life and building it. He says he trusts that I won’t relapse and I know I won’t. He’s promised to stop using drugs as well, for my sake.
I’m thrilled, more than thrilled. I owe it all to you dearest Jane. Without you I couldn’t have done it. I promise I’ll write soon and keep you posted so that we don’t lose touch. I love you.
Tells us what you think: What do you think will happen to Catherine?