When you hear a guy asking his girlfriend “What’s on TV tonight?” you wouldn’t be blamed for thinking that he’s probably asking because he’d like to catch the latest soccer or cricket game, or to watch some Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie, but the truth is, he may be asking because he’d like to watch a Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy or a Tyler Perry drama.

Guys have changed, you see. Guys (myself included) in modern day South Africa have a softer, gentler side. But don’t get me wrong, though, I’m not saying that we all walk around reciting love poems with freshly picked roses in our hands. I’m also not saying that every guy in South Africa is a softie. We still have some pretty selfish and even violent guys out there – guys who prefer a drink over putting food on their table for their families and guys who beat up their wives and girlfriends every day.

What I am saying is that I’ve noticed that in South Africa some of us guys have moved away from trying to be the traditional guy that we heard stories about when we were growing up.

At this point you may be asking yourselves what a “traditional guy” is or where I’ve seen these “soft” guys that I’m talking about.

Well, let’s start by talking about what a traditional guy is.

Pretty much all the guys I’ve met in my life have been telling me the same story, using different words. According to them, and even the guys in my family, a man isn’t supposed to cry, be physically weak, do “girlie” things (watching soapies, having female friends or even making tea, cooking, cleaning and washing dishes). So if you were wondering what a traditional guy is, it’s a guy who doesn’t do any of the above.

I guess I should tell you now about where I’ve seen these softer, gentler guys I’ve been talking about. The truth is I’m surrounded by them. Each time I go to perform my poems I meet big, strong guys who go on stage and share feelings about love for their mothers and girlfriends. Some of my closest friends are big, tall-ass guys who constantly confess their weaknesses to me.

In fact, I even found these soft guys at the supermarket a month or so ago. I was standing at the magazine counter looking at what the latest scoops on my favourite soapies were. To my surprise, two tall, strong-looking guys came over and we just stood there and stared at the same magazines.

The first guy to come over was the first to break the silence.

“Hayi, uGenerations is really stepping up its game now, but unfortunately for me, I’ve been working night shifts all week. Now I’m just looking forward to those Saturday repeats!”

The second answered. “I’d tell you, bra yam, but I want you to see it for yourself. That new chick is in real trouble this time.”

Not wanting to get left out of this surprising conversation, I also responded. “You think, bra yam? Then I must clearly not miss it, nhe?”

Who would’ve thought that three strong Kasi guys would go to a supermarket and buy magazines?

It makes me wonder where guys have found the freedom to do these things. Maybe our fathers were also like this, but then got so good at acting tough that they forgot how to be soft. I don’t really know. What I do know is that I was raised by a single mom who never told me not to play with girls, and always reminded me that while I needed to stand up for myself against bullies, I also needed to care for others. That’s part of the reason why I’m such a big softie.

So tell me, ladies and gentleman, do you think some guys really are as soft as I think they are or am I completely wrong on this one?

#ChatBack: And if you think I’m right, is it a good thing for guys to be this soft?

After all, a friend did once say that it takes a lot of bravery to show your feelings. Do you agree?