Reaching the stage of a relationship where you are both ready to make a lasting commitment is an exciting time for any couple. Discussions about engagement, marriage, and starting a family can easily sweep you up into a magical bubble as you envision the perfect engagement ring, your dream wedding outfit, or what your first home will look like.

It’s true; for those who choose it, marriage can be one of life’s most exhilarating and rewarding milestones. But, it doesn’t come without hard work, effort, sacrifice, and some more hard work!
Here, I will share with you some of the key pieces of advice I received before tying the knot, and some of the things I learned through my own experience from walking down the aisle to daily life as a married couple.

1) Respect one another’s differences

Living together with your spouse and adapting to their way of doing things can be a major challenge during the early stages of marriage.

Each partner brings their own habits, routines, and methods, which means striking the perfect balance can be taxing on the relationship. Old habits can be hard to break, but it is important to remember that your way doesn’t always mean the right way.

Having consistent and open discussions about the way you do things around the house, how you will synchronise your schedules, finances, and everything else in between, allows you to gradually develop a pattern that merges both your worlds.

Remember to be calm, patient, understanding, and accommodating toward your partner. Keep in mind that your life experiences are completely different, and what may seem obvious to you could be something new to them. Be willing to teach and learn, and don’t sweat the small stuff – a few dirty dishes won’t kill you!

2) Communicate

Right before I got married, I asked my mom for one crucial piece of advice I could always carry around in my bag of tools for a successful marriage. Her answer was simple: ‘communicate about everything!’
Talking doesn’t come easily to everyone – especially when the conversation is based on sensitive topics such as feelings and emotions, trauma, finances, or personal struggles. But when you nurture an open line of communication with your spouse, the connection will only deepen, and you will begin to understand them even more.

Being on the same page is a critical component of a healthy marriage, especially during the first few months. No matter how big or small the issue is, talk to your partner about it all. Sharing your joys, fears, hopes, dreams, and goals will strengthen your relationship and help you feel confident enough to face anything together.

Remember, healthy communication means talking and listening. Give your partner the platform to share their innermost feelings and thoughts without interrupting. If you don’t understand something, ask questions, be open about what you need from them and always be honest.

3) Fight fair

As much as practicing healthy communication with your spouse is an excellent way to get through obstacles and challenges – it doesn’t mean that you will never fight. Fighting is a part of every relationship, but what many people don’t realise is that fighting can be done in a fair and healthy manner.

When you fight fair, you eliminate the possibility of feeling personally attacked or hurt by your spouse and vice versa. Instead, you learn to tackle the issue and not each other.
Learning to fight fair is hard work. It doesn’t happen overnight. Screaming and shouting to express anger, frustration or hurt is much easier than sitting down calmly to discuss the problem. But making the effort to fight fair could be what makes a marriage happy and fulfilled, rather than a constant uphill battle.

Remember to stay on topic, flesh out the details, don’t become distracted and say what you mean – help them to understand what is upsetting you and how they have played a role in that. Think of it as a healthy debate and always remember to maintain respect for your partner.

4) Show support and be reliable

It may seem like the obvious thing to do, but showing support runs much deeper than congratulating your partner on a job well done or accompanying them on a shopping trip. Supporting your spouse means being aware of their everyday lives, their choices and decisions and playing a role in helping them to achieve their goals.

The golden rule here is: don’t give your partner what is left after you’ve given your best to everyone else.

While it is important to stay true to yourselves as individuals, it is equally important to be mindful of where your partner needs you to support them. Remember that as a family, your responsibility lies with one another. Be available when your partner needs you; avoid making excuses when certain things require some effort and remind your partner that they can depend on you when things get tough.

5) Let go & have fun!

Marriage is hard work, yes – but it is also one of life’s greatest adventures. Each day is an opportunity to start over and try again. Every day won’t be perfect and you won’t always get it right – that’s completely okay! Having fun is important, and the first year of marriage sets a precedent for the kind of life you want to build together. Do what makes you happy: laugh, learn, love and lean into each other. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.

Enjoy every moment.

With love,
Ashleigh

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Tell us: If you are married, can you relate to what the author says? If you are not married, does this sound like advice you would use?

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