Hello friends! Welcome back to Girl Talk. Last time we dealt with some serious topics, we dealt with sexual abuse. This time, we’re gonna talk about heartbreak.
I’m sure we’ve all experienced getting our hearts broken from someone before, maybe it was a high school crush or someone more serious that we thought would be there forever. When someone you care about suddenly is no longer in your life, it changes you. It can even cause heavy depression. In this blog, we’re gonna deal with how to overcome that heartbreak.
What to do if you’re heartbroken:
1. Embrace it
Embrace this season you’re in. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it’s messy. But wishing it away and pretending to be okay isn’t going to fix anything. I remember when I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. I immediately told myself that I had felt nothing and this break up was long overdue. I moved on quickly. But then suddenly waves of sadness began to hit me in the middle of the night and I found myself crying and depressed, wishing I could rewind time and leave things at hello instead of giving him my number. I wish I had never met him. I had bitterness towards him for the things he did. But then I would remember the good things and I suddenly felt so lonely. I did not miss him, I missed the relationship. It took me a while to get out of that state of depression, by God’s great grace I got out of it. I forgave him and I moved on with my life. But if there was one thing I learnt from that process, is never, ever again will I bottle up emotions or feelings, I’ll cry if I need to. I’ll do it now so that I don’t need to do it later.
2. Remember who you are
During a break up, it’s very easy to feel low and feel bad about yourself. You question your worth as your self-esteem takes a knock. You wonder if you’re good enough. You compare yourself to the next girl. Don’t do that to yourself, sis.
Writing is therapeutic. Journal your feelings, write about every emotion. Sometimes we don’t always know how to put our emotions to words or even how to explain it to someone, but when we write we are releasing that energy into our writing, believe it or not, but you will feel lighter.
4. Cut off communication with your ex
This is hard. But, if you keep seeing their name, you’re gonna feel tempted to text them, and the healing process begins again. There’s a scientific reason heartbreak hurts so much: You actually go through withdrawal-like symptoms after a breakup because the feel-good hormones you got from your partner are suddenly gone. This makes complete sense, when I had to let go of someone, it hurt like no words can explain it, I felt like a drug addict craving him all the time, going through what I’d describe as “withdrawal symptoms” and if you felt that too, it actually is a real thing. Going back to what you came out of will set you back. Cutting off all contact in the beginning is healthy, as it allows you to break your attachment.
5. Don’t isolate yourself
It’s easy to avoid people during this time. But now, more than ever, you need a good support system. Just one or two friends you can count on and talk to and vent to. Don’t hold in those emotions, speak to someone about it.
Exercise will make you feel good about yourself, regaining that confidence. It also releases endorphins. Endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain, that reduce your perception of pain.
7. Take time to reflect on the break-up
Reflect on what was good in the relationship and what was bad. Don’t regret or beat yourself up for a failed relationship. There were moments that made you smile and made you happy, cherish those. But also remember the reason why it ended. This will help you not to go back to it.
8. Create new routines
A break-up often causes a void. Because that familiarity is no longer there. Create new memories with your family and friends. If every Friday was your time to cuddle and watch movies, make a new Friday tradition, such as Friday girls night in or out.
If you’re going through a break up, trust the process. I know it hurts now, but the pain doesn’t last forever. This too shall past. I know it hurts right now, but trust me, you will heal, things will get better. You’ll be okay, you got this, queen!
It’s important to look out for red flags in relationships. Read more about that here
Tell us: How do you deal with heartbreak?