It’s been seventeen years and I still struggle to know if God truly exists. I didn’t see his mighty hand doing the wonderful work in my daily life.

I had been ignorant about that. I could not see that God was calling me to turn to him; it took a sickness for me to see his calling. And it’s not like I wasn’t sick all along, I was sick since the beginning of my childhood days but the doctors could handle it, except when I had my liver bleeding. The doctor gave me a time line and said that I was at death’s door.

My new life began two years ago when I had liver bleeding. My liver started bleeding and it bled till I got weak and sicker. The doctor gave me days to live and my life was a ticking time bomb, until I finally remembered Jesus. I started to read Psalm 121, where I was assured that my help only comes from God who created the heavens. That verse came from my father when he saw how sick I was. He told me to have hope and faith that God is in control.

My father taught me how to read the Bible and even gave me one of my own. My father taught me how to pray because he believes in God. And every day, I would memorise one or two verses to my father but that didn’t push me to be closer to God.

I believe that God existed from the very beginning of time and everything that he made trembles at his voice. Psalms 77 verse 16-18. “It is all his creations which listen to his voice when he speaks and that is how we see that he created everything on Earth.”

One day I asked for a prayer from my pastor, all he said was: “It is well with your soul.” I didn’t understand why he said that, because I was in pain. But the scriptures have made me understand why it is he said this. He wanted me to be positive and say it with my own mouth that “it is well with my soul”. It would mean that I am taking charge of my life and I am allowing my faith to move me from a lower level to a greater level. The devil is not pleased with our faith but our faith pleases God. And the scriptures tighten the belt of faith to make it stronger.

I read the scriptures with understanding now and I prayed that they will be treasured forever in my life. As I only got to know now that God is my only healer, because he healed me from a disease that a doctor couldn’t even help me with. The doctor said this was a miracle; he was right. God only pushed me to listen to him when he spoke to me through his word and I listened. I wanted to live. I didn’t want my children to be orphans.

I grew in faith and hunger for his touch each day. My father had taught me not to do evil. He also instructed me that all things which were bad, I should stay away from. He disciplined me to always fear committing evil until it became an advantage in my new life.

I came to know him as being holy and righteous because he hates evil and all evil things.

I strive to see his face and touch his feet, to kiss them as Mary Magdalene did. On one night, I saw an angel who stood beside my bedside. He said, “I will protect you”. Not only did I want protection for myself but also for my children. I saw a vision of them walking with an invisible angel.

I have seen the power and the mighty power of my God El Shaddai.

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