The next day I woke up feeling a bit off, so I decided to spend the day indoors. It was not like anyone would stop me anyway. Just when my decision was formalized there was a knock at the door. Who could that be? I asked myself.

When I opened the door I was stunned. It was none other than the mother, daughter relationship killer.

“Good morning Mihloti,” she said looking around the house.

“And what’s so good about this morning, ma’Gumede?” I asked her with a cheeky tone.

“No wonder your mom had a heart attack, you have no manners,”

“As if. The only reason is because of you and your big mouth that can never be shut,”

“My big mouth? I’m your elder, how can you even say that? Where are your manners?” she asked almost slapping me.

“Manners? Don’t tell me about manners because you definitely don’t know the definition of the word.” I said to her.

“Your mom isn’t coming back soon so try and have a bit of respect because she won’t be here to mother you,” she said hiding an evil smile.

“You say it like she’s dead already. And it’s not like I’d come running to you for help,” I said returning the evil smile she gave me.

“I should go back home now. Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“Not like you care. Don’t forget to close the door behind you.” I said throwing myself on my bed.

That Ma’Gumede woman, she had the nerve to come here accusing me of being the reason for my mom’s hospitalization; she forgets it’s her that upset my mom over nothing. Or maybe she’s right; I put her in hospital.

I spent the rest of the day blaming myself for what a terrible daughter I am. I don’t deserve her as a mother.

I couldn’t carry on living alone; I missed her mouth-watering food, her love and of course her nagging. This house was not a home without her; it was just so empty without her. I missed her so much.

I remembered that I was to attend a funeral of a fellow school mate the next morning. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to saying my last farewells because burials were so emotional. They always made you think about the unknown and unexpected.

When evening came I slept. I didn’t have peaceful dreams because I kept seeing my mom lying there; so helpless. It was almost like I had nightmares of me being the one killing her. I had to wake up and wonder. What if she dies? How will I live with myself? Knowing I killed the one person who ever cared about me? I couldn’t get answers so I went back to sleep.

When morning came all school mates of the deceased, Corry, went to the burial. I didn’t think I would cry, but seeing him being underground and soil being put over him just made it clear he would never come back. I cried so much that you would bet I knew him well.

But in the core of my mind was: What if my mom dies? What will I be without her? Will I live a normal life without her? This scared me and made all the hairs in my body stand; I couldn’t stop crying.

Bottom line was I didn’t want her to die. She was my everything. I lived this life with and for her. I didn’t want to lose her.

Every day of the week I woke up feeling off so I didn’t go to school. On Saturday, I had a call from my mom; asking me why I didn’t go to school and told me to visit her at the hospital. How this news travelled all the way to Lesedi hospital, I didn’t know.

I bet it was that fat woman Ma’Gumede, she always pokes her nose in my business, I thought bitterly.

Maybe I will get a chance to fix things with my mom, I thought to myself as I walked out of the door to hospital. I was so nervous like a naughty school girl called to the headmaster’s office.

When I got there I could see my mom hated me. She didn’t even look at me one moment.

“Mom… I…”

“I called you here, so I will do the talking,” she said with an unclear voice. “Why haven’t you been going to school this week?” she asked.

“Um… I wasn’t feeling…”

“You weren’t feeling good, Mihloti? She cut in. “Stop being a brat, I didn’t raise you this way; you will go to school, you hear me?” she said with a serious voice.

“Yes mom, I will go.” I said as humbly as I could.

Maybe mom doesn’t really hate me, she cares about me, I thought to myself smiling out of the hospital.

When I got home I thought about my father. I’ve never thought about him before because my mom loved me with a mother’s and father’s love. But that gap she closed felt wider because she wasn’t with me.

I always had my father’s phone number but never even looked twice at it. But this day there was something different; I stared at his number for a long while. I wondered what a father’s love would feel like. Maybe like paradise I thought.

Before I knew it I had pressed the call button.

***

Tell us: Do you think it’s a good idea for Mihloti to call her father? Why? Why not?