The phone rang and a deep man’s voice answered, “Hallo.”

I was so nervous that my tongue froze and I couldn’t answer. The man repeated, “Hallo, is anyone there?”

I quickly hung up.

He called again but I couldn’t answer. I felt guilty for even calling him. What if he rejects me like he did years ago? How will I take that? I didn’t want to go through being rejected, it would destroy me.

He called the third time and I took a deep breath, picked up the phone and answered, “Hi, Dad.”

“Hi, Dad? Who are you?” he asked with a rude tone.

“It’s Mihloti,”

“Mihloti? U lava yini, what do you want?”

“I just wanted to talk to you, Dad.”

“Whoa, don’t Dad me, you hear?” he said with a high tone.

“But… I don’t understand,” I replied.

“You never will, don’t ever call me again. I want nothing to do with you,”

It really ached my heart that I broke down on the phone and replied, “Okay” and hung up.

I cried so much for being such a fool. What was I thinking? That a stupid phone call would change everything? Heal my wounded heart from being fatherless? All I ever wanted was for him to love me; just for me to feel what a father’s love was like. But he didn’t care about me, I had to accept that.

What had I done? I brought him back into my life just to go through the pain of being abandoned all over again?

Just when I was tearing, my phone rang; it was my mom.

“Ha…” I said slowly.

“Hey wena Mihloti, u ta tsaka loko ni fa, you want me dead huh?

“Ma? I don’t know what you talking about,”

“You don’t know what I’m talking about? How can you call that excuse of a father and cry to him?” she said shouting.

“Sorry, Mhani, I…”

“Now he tells me I’m struggling to raise you, do you know how that feels? I raised you up alone – alone Mihloti, and this is how you thank me? By crying to the man who doesn’t care about you?”

“I know you…” I heard her breathing loudly, like she was out of breath.

“Mhani? Mommy? Mommy? Are you okay?” I called to her. But she hung up.

Oh God what have I done? First I put her in hospital and now I stress her? What have I done? I won’t live with myself if she dies, I can’t live without her, I thought to myself as I cried alone.

I slept crying non-stop. I wanted my mom; she would wipe away my tears but now I was killing her. Hadn’t I caused her too much pain by being a fatherless child? Did I have to worsen her condition? I was such a curse to my mom; I was the one who should die.

***

Tell us: What do you think of Mihloti’s mother’s reaction?