I’ve never seen Aya mad and I’ve never seen him cry. That worried me. It seemed he was immune to anything I did or said and that made me more suspicious. If he wasn’t sharing his emotions with me then who was he talking to?

That was another mystery. There were two things going through my mind, it was either he was a good liar and a cheat, who was good at covering his tracks or I was just imaging things.

I am very fussy over hair so my types are bold guys. A guy with dreadlocks doesn’t do it for me and Aya was aware of that. So when he decided to grow dreadlocks I was at a loss. I made it my mission to make him cut them but he refused.

I tried to live with it but I knew we would eventually have to end things. I was waiting for his dreads to reach the shoulders length and then we’ll be through.

Then his sister got really sick and Aya had to take care of her. They were really close. He was a good friend and the best nurse for her. Unfortunately she died.

I guess taking care of her and then seeing her die must have caused real damage to him. But he never showed any pain, at least when he was with me. This worried me more and I told him it’s OK to hurt. To cry and to let it all out is to be human. I didn’t want to see him break down or anything, but I didn’t want him to suffer alone.

But being the person he is, he said he was fine and was dealing with the situation perfectly. At the funeral I didn’t see him cry. He joked and laughed, but I knew he was hurting inside. I wished I could touch him. Just to hold him throughout the whole burial process but it wouldn’t have been appropriate.

Though I had to watch him from the distance I saw the pain in his eyes. I made it my goal to mend his broken heart from that day on.

So I decided to put my problems, insecurities and emotions aside. My goal was to be strong for him and help him heal.


Tell us what you think: Can a person grieve without crying? How do you grieve?