To be full yet empty inside
to be conscious yet consumed by nightmares
one can hardly distinguish night from day
to love but to hate all at once
constantly looking for loopholes that don’t exist
self-sabotage is a monster we keep feeding
until the load is so heavy, we grow centuries old in a second
twisted words, wicked thoughts, paranoia…
intoxication, vein investigations and self-inflicted heartache
How do I put an end to this cycle of misery?
How does one teach oneself to love thyself every single day?
Influences cloud judgement,
the setup of the environment is strategically orchestrated
to break the morale of the darker shade
until there’s nothing left of the latter
how do I escape this?
love is less and less meaningful
because of a deep hunger no feast can satisfy
no ocean can drown it
the wind can never blow it away
fairy tales can’t wish it away
sex won’t climax it away
the herb can’t puff it away…
how do I survive this?
how do I sacrifice a peace of my soul
but have enough left to keep my sanity intact?
is it a short temper that causes a fragile heart to find fault in everything?
a mere reaction is enough to set every cell in the body alight?
what is it?
I wish to separate flesh from bone
so that I know what true pain is
I wish to separate the heart from the mind
because for the life of me I can’t get them to beat in sync
the brain comprehends reality but the heart refuses to accept it
how do I remedy it?
this gaping emptiness that eats away at me with every slight movement I make
this constant limbo where good and great are just one and the same thing
how do I tackle it?
The mind will not let me waste tears on feeble emotions
that I can’t even comprehend
the heart is too weak to beat passionate for anything
taste buds may as well be non-existent
lust is just visual love
lovers are two people passing time
this poem is just words strategically written together
the air is dry with loneliness
companionship is more like a sacrifice
I’ve paid the price
I want happiness, I want contentment
I want to believe what the mirror says to me
I want to feel passion and be passionate about passion again
this white space and dark ink are the only things in the world
that can validate my existence
these strategically constructed sentences
are the only legacy I will pass on to generations after me
I yearn for peace
I yearn for a mind that is not at war with vile thoughts
I want to breathe air as clear as sea waters
Lady Poetry… help me heal