There is a possible solution
But it might be too late
I’ve always said nothing could ever be that bad, and I believed that
I still do…
But this is not ‘bad’
The pain is too deep.
I’m sitting on this chair, writing and I’m crying…
I can’t seem to control these tears.
The wound is still so fresh, and for some reason I keep rubbing salt in it
I’m hurting myself!
But no self-inflicted pain can outshine the pain I’m already feeling inside.
I choose to ignore pain, because it is so painful.
I give out love
I am the most caring
I am patient
I give attention
I make sacrifices
I don’t inflict pain unto others
I could never… It’s too painful
Sometimes I wish I had a friend like me!
Lord knows I tried…
I dropped my guard, I let people in and allowed them to ‘care’
I thought that would fill my sense of belonging
I’m left feeling empty…
It happened again, that “whatever” reaction
And this time it hurt even more, because I understood.
This pain is breaking my relationship with God
I’m starting to see the cracks
I read my Bible with no understanding, and I say my prayers without feeling,
But more like a routine…
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME???
I’ve been down this ‘end’ road before,
And God told me that I wasn’t going anywhere
For it wasn’t the end
But how do I live with this pain?
Especially with nobody willing to ease it…
It is all just overwhelming
I’m tired of being strong
I’m tired of crying alone
I’m tired of thinking
And I’m tired of remembering
So life… So long!