No one dare deny when I say my Bed has what former SABC COO, Hlaudi Motsoeneng once described as “that thing”, you know. Obviously, this refers to “something special” and one which I lack an appropriate adjective to describe, owing to its sentimental benefits I continue to enjoy.

It was on a wet, rainy day when my brother barged into the room we shared together, his face beaming with excitement. Without even noticing that I was still in my pyjamas, he said to me: “Asihambe mfethu (let’s go my brother).”

Hesitantly, I asked, “Siyaphi ngingagezanga (Where to? I have not bathed).”

“Don’t worry, just change, mfethu, you will bath when we return,” he said joyfully.

His excitement seemingly rubbed off me and I gladly obliged, of course oblivious to the fact that that would be the day I return home with my beloved Bed. Indeed, you never know what you don’t have until you have it, and prior to that day it always seemed a far-fetched dream that I would appreciate a morning free from aches and pain which resulted from the thin sponge I normally laid on the floor.

“Had I known that getting you this bed would be my way of isolating you from the world, I would have thought twice, ngiyakutshela (I tell you),” said my brother.

Isolating? But mfethu (brother) I am still in contact with the world, I mean, I WhatsApp, Facebook and my friend still comes around to visit every now and then. Furthermore, I thought you wanted me to enjoy the Bed, isn’t it why you bought it for me in the first place?

“Enjoy, yes, but there is a fine line between enjoying and abusing, and currently I don’t think you realise your stance on this.”

Abuse? No brother I think you are exaggerating a bit, I am merely enjoying my new Bed, and you of all people should understand this.

“I do understand that you don’t abuse it, I mean you only sleep on it, eat on it, do your homework on it, chat to your friends on it, watch television on it, and I am pretty sure if you could bath on it if you would. If I had known that this Bed would make you act like this, I would have gotten you a girlfriend instead.”

Mfethu (brother), look on the bright side. I now sleep better, I no longer complain about back pains, I can now turn the way I please, think without hindrance and dream for a change. Moreover, I can now give you the space you need, I am pretty sure you also appreciate your freedom now.

“Rest assured, I do (no pun intended). Mfethu (brother), I meant well when I bought you this bed but surely, I did not intend to turn you into a vegetable.”

If that is what you call sleeping like a baby, I gladly accept.

“Considering the time, you spend on that Bed, I would say you have gone back to being a baby.”

Hahaha, very funny.

“Really, mfethu, I am glad you love your Bed and all, but I hope for your sake you snap out of it soon.”

Ha-ha, I love you too, brother.

“Not as much as you love that Bed of yours, that’s for sure!” my brother chirped.