When you hear the words “social media” what comes to mind first? I know what I immediately think of… pictures, likes, jokes and ‘Black Twitter’. When clever people and hustlers think of social media they think of campaigns, money and influencing. Social media has become such a huge part of our lives that we can now start making money off of it. With the high unemployment rate that we are currently faced with, I believe that it is good that we have found a new way to make money. But, like any good thing, there is a downside to “living off” social media.

There are certain criteria that need to be met first before one can be considered an influencer. Besides being likeable and relevant, you have to meet the unrealistic and forever changing beauty standards that society has. This obviously makes it harder for the lesser good-looking woman who meets all the other criteria except one, which makes it unfair.

Unfortunately, pretty privilege also has limits. It will not save the prettier women from constant bashing. Somehow, the same beauty standards that have been set by society automatically qualify you as being “loose” and “easily accessible”, almost like a cheap piece of meat. A classic example is the constant bashing the beauty influencer and entrepreneur, Mihlali Ndamase, receives almost every other day. It is amazing – to me – how she went from being the most beautiful and most loved woman in South Africa to being the most hated and bashed. Every other day she is called a homewrecker and as “passed around goods” because she has one or two exes that are in the celebrity circle.

Social media has created a new way of thinking. From a few pictures and a little think piece here and there, people now think that they know you like that. Now, because of these little think pieces and social standards that we have – not forgetting feminism – the whole game of gender politics has changed. The youth have lost respect for each other. Because some young women want to be social influencers who wear expensive designer clothing and real human hair, men think that all women just love money and would go to extreme lengths to keep up with the influencer life. Some men spend all their social media time bashing women and calling them names, which has led to responses from women calling them “broke and useless”. Both these gender views may be correct to a certain extent. Some women make their own money – sometimes more than the men in their lives – and some men do not spend their free time bashing random women online. They actually work and take care of their families.

There are unfortunately people who cannot separate their social media lives from their real lives. We sometimes let the things we see online lead us into “sabaweling” (which means craving in Xhosa) other people’s lives, blinding us from the fact that life can be hard for all of us. We do not know how people got the things they have and how they got where they are. We did not experience their sleepless nights or face rejection with them therefore we cannot want what they have. There was an incident on Twitter where screenshots of texts that were sent by a guy – who was well known for popping bottles and filling tables with expensive alcohol – to his friends were posted online. In those texts, he was asking his friends to help him settle a R20 000 alcohol bill at The Balcony Mix Experience while he was waiting to cash in his Betway slip. He was obviously making promises to pay them back and giving them sob stories about why his mother could not help him. If you are not smart and you like to “sabawel” other people’s lives, you would get chest pains from seeing the expensive bottles of alcohol on his table and asking God, “why not me?” You would want what he has when you do not know the extreme lengths and the stress he went through to pay for those bottles.

We need to learn to separate ourselves from the things we see online and the things we CHOOSE to show online. Remember, as much as you have a choice to not post your down moments on your Facebook profile because you have haters and you do not want them to know your struggles, your favourite influencer also has the same choice. Also, how we hype our “faves” sometimes leads them to letting their newly found fame get into their heads. Sometimes they say things that are “out of pocket” (which means that these things are inappropriate) and think they can get away with it because they have supporters. No, Lala, that’s not how it works. We will love you and still hold you accountable.