I think I have come to realize I am a lot like my mother. Emotionally and mentally, I have inherited her genes. I am still reminded of the physical theory, that like charges repel each other…

In the midst of my break-up, I was in a real slump and I was unable to really let go of the feelings I had. I really searched in every person an outlet in which I can plug all this heap of hurt on so that I could move forward.

My mother would do her regular check ups on me, because she knew I was hurting and we just had this connection; we could see right through the brave fronts we were always trying to put up when something is wrong.

I remember the day like it was yesterday, when the tears were all too much to hold back and if my pillow had the internal organs of a human, it would possibly be crushed from all the squeezing I had done.

The Saturday night I joined my mother on her bed. She asked me, “Can I tell you a secret?” To be honest my heart ran like sprints breaking every world record, because the only thing I could think is that something was wrong.

She the laughed at the reaction I gave after she had asked.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” she calmly assured me. My heart slowed.

“Please tell me then Mom, I think I will be able to handle it seeing that there’s nothing to worry about.”

She then started speaking of things that concerned her in relation to her workspace and the place she currently found herself in. “I am not happy where I am.”

I could understand what she was feeling from previous experiences.

“You need to press through Mom, and persist in what you want and where you want to be. Speak to God about it, and do not rest until you have gotten the breakthrough, because He most certainly will open the door if you keep knocking.”

The room immediately got filled with so much love and understanding and I felt like I could just open up to my mother, even though I had gotten over the stage of my break-up.

“Mom do you remember when I was going through my break-up?”

“Yes, I do remember, why do you ask?”

“Well for a whole week straight I could not stop crying, and there was just this one night where I really felt like I needed my mother, just to come to you, hug you and cry.”

With an emotional tone in her voice she said, “My son you wouldn’t understand how I was hurting as much as you were.”

I remembered the night I had to go through, when all the pain, hurt and uncertainty was breaking me down. My mother immediately overcame all the doubt I had, wrapped serenity in a blanket of comfort with these words…

“I know you were handling it much better than normal people would, because you are so closely in a relationship with God.”

“Why are you using God as an excuse to cover up how you could not come to me and comfort me when I needed you?” were the words that came out. Or at least the words I played out in my head that I would’ve said if I responded immediately.

But there’s a great sense of fulfillment when God walks on the waters to come and calm the waves I am drowning in.

God responded in my head to say, “First process and then respond.”

“I really just needed you Mom,” I responded to my Ma.

“You should have come to me, because I really cherish those types of moments, when we can just be ourselves, eliminating the awkwardness.”

In our family we had a great deal of awkwardness, which led to the much more sensitive and emotional situations to be avoided, because we were scared of what the next person might think.

“Next time we will come together and then we can cry together,” my mother said with a smile on her face.

I never imagined me and my mom really engaging that deeply. Okay in the back of my mind I knew we could always connect when we committed the time and the effort to really listen to each other.

I also felt that it just needs to be the two of us talking without any person really intruding our conversation, because if my dad saw us in such a deep discussion, he would possibly crack a joke and divert our attention, and kill the emotion that we had constructively initiated together.

“Mom I really love you so much, and I really cannot picture my life without you. I feel like we are even closer than the time they cut the umbilical cord when I first entered the world.” These are the words I thought I’d tell her, but I could not yet find the boldness even after coming out of a calming situation; it played out much more smoothly in my head.

“I love you Mom,” were the words that came out, and I hoped that she could grasp all that I really wanted to tell her.

I returned to my room that night to put my head down on my pillow and feel the complete joy in my heart that my mom knew my situation and that she would be there for me through whatever I go through.

My eyes then slowly started to close.


I felt someone poking me on my head, and woke up in a hurry.

My mother then responded, “I just got back from my weekend away, your sister told me you were sleeping the whole Saturday and heard you sleep talking.”

I just held my head in disbelief to think that I dreamt the whole thing!