Love is painful. That’s what I’ve been told since a young age. It became a reality when I experienced my first heartbreak when I was nineteen. I gave up on love for a couple of months, then decided to get back into the game to try my luck one more time.
Someone came along. I feared her. What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if I wasn’t her type? What if she was above my income level? What if? Above all, what if she was just being kind to me? What if I wasn’t flirting right?
I never wanted to confuse the two. I did that once and I lost a good friend. I was not up to repeating the same mistake again. I would rather have her as a friend than lose her. At the same time, I feared that if I didn’t tell her then that’s all I was going to be to her, a friend.
The pain of digesting all these thoughts was excruciating, as if an invisible vice was squeezing my heart. I feared to live the rest of my miserable, pathetic life with regrets. It’s a terrible fate to live knowing the girl you loved is lying in the arms of another man and is happy, while you are lying with your shadow on your side.
If I had done something then perhaps things would have turned out the way I wanted. But the fact of the matter is that I did nothing and said nothing. I blew away all the shots I had.
I intend to change that in the future. The best way to know the future is to create it. Call me melodramatic, but I’m persuaded that even the waters of the sea cannot extinguish the flames of love I have for her. I strongly believe that she’s a good runner, because she’s always running in my mind. She’s good at sneaking, because she always finds a way to trespass into my dreams.
If loving her was wrong then I never wanted to be right. If I could, I would press charges, because she stole my heart and enslaved my mind with a breathtaking beauty that brings snow in summer. When I see her, my lungs stop functioning and my breath is put to a hold. Her smile is like a shooting star in the galaxy. You’ll make a wish that she could be yours for eternity.
She made me happy and healed every agony in my flesh. It was high time I got my courage together and wore a warrior’s face to hide my fear and give it a try. You can’t blame me for trying. How was I ever going to find out if I never tried? I would feel better knowing that I tried and failed, than if I had never tried at all.
I said to her: “I can’t imagine a life without you. Every moment I spend with you is my happiest moment and you make my world go round. When I met you I thought you were perfect but as I got to know you I realised you had your flaws and weaknesses, and then I loved you even more. My affection for you is beyond human understanding, and my love is stronger than a dynamite explosion. If you don’t love me back, I would understand, but as long as I love you then I need you to know the truth.”
I’m a survivor. I live, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, and it seems as if nothing has changed. I seem to be living in circles. History keeps repeating itself.
I live knowing that something is not right in this world. After I walked the journey of life, I turned back to see how far I had walked. Everything was different and changed, but at the same time it seemed like everything was the same.
That’s when I fully grasped that change doesn’t happen overnight. It may not happen suddenly but eventually. What you do between the transitions is what reveals the kind of metal you are made of. Are you made of copper that is light and soft, or of carbon steel that doesn’t break or bend when put under pressure?
In life, sometimes things don’t always work out the way we had hoped or planned. Things may turn out good or bad, but prepare for both fates. I may hit a hard rock and the hammer will bounce back and hit me on the forehead. It will be painful, but I will survive, I always do. It’s in my nature to survive and adapt.
I’m unique. If an egg breaks from the outside it’s the end of life, but if it’s broken from within then new life springs. That’s when I realised great things come from within. God created birds and said let all birds fly, regardless of their size or height, any creature with wings was supposed to fly.
Those that tested their ability soared high and became friends with clouds. Those that doubted their ability got stuck on the ground. Chickens are the perfect example. Even with wings, they looked down upon themselves and chose to walk with their feet for their entire lifetime.
“God gave them wings to fly but it has never been done,” said a friend. “It’s impossible,” said logic. “Are you sure?” said the mind. “You have failed once,” said history. Why turn back? Keep on running. It’s hard, but I’m a survivor.
The mountain is high and painful to climb, but those on top are already calling for you to join them because the bottom is getting overcrowded. For you to get there you need to make yourself a prisoner to your own goals, sweat and wipe it off. This is not the time to be lazy and settle down, but to run for achievement. You may catch a cold, but comforting times will follow.
Do everything in your ability and beyond. You might be surprised by what you’re made of and what you’re capable of. You might fail and fall, but after the battle you will be left standing. You are a survivor, and survivors are well known for surviving.
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