Dear Heavenly Father,
I have sinned against you,
I have tasted the forbidden fruit-
Done what I am not proud of
And have broken many of the commandments
Forgive me Father
For I have sinned
Father right now I’m coming to You,
Open your gates in heaven for me,
Welcome me as Your own
And I will forever rejoice
You have put so much faith in me
But for this, I doubt myself
Father I am too weak for my current situation,
Father you know my heart…
Amen
I get up next to my bed and take my phone… I do not know what to say.
All I want to say is, “Good bye, I love you dearly and for all the
wrongs I’ve done by you – forgive me.”
I stare at my text for a while and delete it. I’m not even sure if I want to do this. I’m committing suicide yet it feels wrong. Maybe it’s because of the way I was raised, but-right now even that doesn’t seem to matter.
My reasons for wanting to commit suicide are a lot. One, my parents seem to be always fighting these days. My dad has been cheating and wants to divorce my mother. It started off as a separation but I guess that didn’t work for him.
Two, this girlfriend of his is only after his money and is making us suffer. This year he hasn’t put me to school due to lack of funds, so he says.
Three, we have moved from having everything to having very little. We have moved out of the townhouse Daddy was renting to one in the villages which is cramped, has no running water, no air conditioning (considering how hot our province is), no flushing toilet, the lighting is bad and we have no garden. The whole yard is just sand.
Those are just the few of my reasons. I’m so depressed that all I ever do lately is to sleep, wake up, eat and on some days take a bath. All my friends are at school far away from here, I have no one to talk to. So my best solution is to commit suicide. They wouldn’t pay a large amount of money for a day and never worry about the expense I was.
But as I lay down and forget even about the text. I think maybe my time has not yet come and I just have to take it one day at a time.